In this week’s post, I’m talking a little bit about creating a successful bedtime. Specifically, creating a bedtime that is predictable, linear, goal directed, and brief (e.g. less than 30–40 minutes). I would also love to hear what has worked for you and what has not? What are the rituals at night which you hate to miss? What has not worked for bedtime in your home?
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Vanessa says
Wow, what a loaded question. First, a disclaimer. What works for your child does not necessarily work for another. They are all individuals with their own needs. Of course you know this, but it took me a looong time to realise. And to accept that just because someone thinks our routine/method is silly or goes against everything ‘they’ say to do with kids, doesn’t mean it’s wrong/going to cause them lifelong trauma.
We have two lively, curious kids, one of whom never slept and as he got more tired would just wind up and up and up and …well, you get the picture. He also seemed scared to go to sleep. Turns out he had severe sleep apnoea and was waking over 100 times a night. In the early days it would take over two hours to get him to sleep, and it felt like we tried every method known to man, including three stints at sleep school.
Our bedtime routine is now rock-solid. We give notice that it will be time to get ready for bed in five minutes, so it’s time to start packing up/finish what you’re doing. We put our pyjama’s on, clean our teeth, decide who’s room we are reading in, choose two stories each (per child), and settle down to read. Unfortunately both kids still want us to snuggle with them, and we are happy to keep doing it as they both fall asleep quickly, and if it makes them feel happy and secure then great. I could not care less what any health professional thinks about it. It works for us and that is all that matters. However, any variation to this routine can cause chaos. If we get home late and there really isn’t time for 3o+ minutes of stories, there WILL be tears. Even if they fall asleep in the car and wake slightly as we are transferring them, they will remember that it’s bedtime and that means stories. I’m happy to accept this though because after years of frustration and despair we now have something that works 99% of the time. Happy days.
Craig Canapari MD says
I think the predictability of the routine matters more than the substance in most cases, and that it be enjoyable. Interesting that your child’s sleep apnea presented with insomnia.
Christina says
Hi, I came across your website as I was looking up information on the safety and dosage of melatonin for my 21 month old (I have not tried this yet). We have an established bedtime routine of going upstairs to get ready for bed around 7:15. We brush our teeth, wash our hands, change diaper, put pajamas on, and read two books while he has a couple of ounces of water in a bottle. We turn on the star lights and lay down together. He only gets a bottle at night but that is a big part of the problem. He usually takes about a half hour to go to sleep and he can wake up anywhere between 2 and 10 times at night wanting an ounce of water from his bottle! Honestly, I lose track at times. I do sleep with him (probably a no-no) so I give him just an ounce or he will guzzle it. We had trained him to sleep in his crib and was doing well until he learned to climb out. We didn’t have the energy to start all over in the toddler bed. He seems to like to be near me but want his own space. He also has this thing of rubbing his hands on my face to help relax him. I know we have created an unwanted habit but if he doesn’t get his water, he screams and is very persistent. He also only really wants mommy. I don’t know if I should fight him on the bottle or if this is just a phase for him. Any advice would be great! Thanks so much!
Craig Canapari says
I generally don’t recommend melatonin for behavioral issues in young children. An alternative could be a later bedtime— sometimes significantly later– can make sleep training much easier. Best of luck.
Isabelle Anderson says
Try feeding him a snack before bed to fill him up. Give the snack before you brush teeth.
Kim says
We have had so much trouble trying to establish a solid routine. My husband goes to work and then school and gets home at almost 10pm. I have a 15 year old who plays sports, a hyper almost 3 year old and 6 month old. The baby sleeps very well, as does the teenager. However, my toddler has always had trouble going to and staying asleep. Our schedule does not always allow for us to start bedtime at the same time. Some days we are home by 6 and some days we get home at 9. No matter what, we struggle to get him to settle down to get into bed and then to get him to sleep. Typically between 11pm and 1am, he will finally be asleep. He then seems to wake up again at about 3am but, falls back to sleep rather quickly. Any suggestions on what we can try? Thanks
Craig Canapari says
It’s always hard to know how much is the routine and how much is the child. If he really struggles when you have a more normal routine e.g. during school vacations it may be worth working with your doctor to see if there are attentional issues and/or possible a problem like restless leg syndrome. Best of luck.