Many people decide to sleep train their child when they are really struggling– I know because I see the traffic on my website, especially in January. Parents who succeed at sleep training often know exactly why they are doing it. Here’s how to figure out your reasons, so you can stay motivated when the going gets tough.
I’ve seen many families struggle with sleep training over the years. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that often parents make a decision to sleep train a little bit half cocked. They have a really bad night and they say, you know what? We’re just going to go for this. But they crash and burn within a few days. There’s a couple of reasons for this, but one of them is they haven’t really thought about why they’re doing it. (Here’s a link to the most common sleep training mistakes). What are the concrete benefits that they’re striving for?
Sometimes behavioral change is easy, but often it can be challenging. I’ve found that parents who are successful can articulate the benefits they are seeking.
Imagine if:
* Your child goes to bed easily and wakes up playful and in a great mood at the same time every day.
* Bedtime is a lovely time that you share with your child, starting with calming activities, proceeding to cuddles, and ending when you kiss your child good night and leave the room.
* You and your partner have some time together in the evening to do activities you enjoy, without your kids.
* You can leave your child with a family member or babysitter without worrying about a huge freak-out, and with confidence that your child will be asleep when you get home.
* You wake up in the morning feeling awesome.
If you are thinking about sleep training, take a post it and write down three concrete reasons that sleep training will benefit you and your family. Put it in a place were you will see it every day as you plan your next move. Once you are ready to sleep train, here’s a guide to my favorite sleep training methods.
Hello,
I’ve read your blog, bought your book and have a 3.5 year old. She was sleep trained at about 12 months. All went fine and she was sleeping until about 6/8 months ago with night wakings. We ended up doing various small things over vacations and when she was sick to “facilitate” sleep that mean that she now has increasingly greater sleep associations that make her want to sleep with us or have us there when she wakes at night hold her hand to sleep etc. So far so classic. Started sleep training 5 days ago. Some success in that we endured the 2 2 hours crying, protesting, negotiation episodes when we stopped staying with her while she slept. And she now will fall asleep knowing we are outside (but not in the room). She does still wake at 1 am and comes to our room and we have to keep walking her back and enduring constant negotiation until she finally sleeps exhausted at 3 am in her bed with me outside of her door!! In that time, She says she can’t sleep and I believe her as have witnessed it recently when she’s been sick and sleeping with me and during this process. She is wide awake for 2 hours. Have now learned that she needs an adenoidectomy. Possible low grade sleep apnea based on my observations while she was sleeping with us while she was quite sick at Christmas and after! Surgery scheduled for 4 weeks from now. 1 week recovery. Do we abandon sleep training and let her sleep with us when she wakes? And then try again? Or…keep at it? If we abandon, how to explain to her and not undo our efforts?
Obviously this is not medical advice, but in situations like this, I counsel families to work on keeping bedtime consistent but avoiding heavy lifting (in terms of sleep training) until fully recovered from surgery. After then, if your struggles continue, look up “too much time in bed syndrome”. Good luck
Hi Dr. Canapari –
I have a 13 month old who was sleep trained at 6 months. She goes down, usually without a fuss, on her own. The problem that we’re having is night wakings. She wakes up around 12-12:30 every night screaming to be picked up. We have tried letting her CIO, she ends up finally going down about 35 -40 mins later only to wake up and start it all over again around 1. We’ve also tried going in every 5,10,15 minutes to calm her without lifting her out of the crib. This results in her screaming even harder when we leave the room. What’s the reason for this middle of the night wake?
Thank you!
Hard to say for sure. In clinic we would rule out a medical cause then take a careful look at sleep logs. I would start with your pediatrician. Good luck!