Craig Canapari, MD

Proven advice for better sleep in kids and parents

The Top Ten Sleep Training Mistakes You Need to Avoid for Better Sleep

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Top ten sleep training mistakes

What do the families who come into Sleep Clinic have in common? Almost all of them have tried sleep training and failed. There are some common sleep training mistakes that parents make. Knowing about them may make the difference between success and failure.

Parents often feel guilty about sleep training.  One of the reasons is that they have tried for a bit and then encountered severe resistance, often in the form of tears and crying all around. Then parents quit.

This always makes me feel terrible– both the parent and the child have suffered without even fixing the problem. Often, if they had persistent, their child would have started falling asleep more easily with just a day or two more of effort.

Free Bonus: I created a guide to avoiding all of these mistakes. It’s a quick guide you can save and reference later as you try this yourself. Click Here to get this free resource.

Many people think that sleep training exclusively implies a “cry it out” approach, which is technically referred to as extinction.

When I say sleep training, I am thinking of a range of behavioral (non-medicine based) methods that parents and physicians may use to help children fall and stay asleep.

If you want to know the best ways to sleep train, I wrote a comprehensive post on the best sleep training techniques here.

Here is my list of the top ten sleep training mistakes:

Avoid these problems and you will be much more successful at fixing your child’s sleep problems.

1. Starting sleep training at the wrong time.

Infants develop the ability to self soothe between 4-6 months of age. To be safe, I usually recommend starting around six months of age, but efforts in the 4-6 month window may be helpful. Before four months, just follow your child’s cues. Lately there have been some articles in the news about training younger infants but I don’t recommend this.

Also, avoid starting around potty training, or learning to walk. These big milestones are associated with lots of sleep disruption.

2. Not changing bedtime.

A well structured bedtime is the key to success. Kids with irregular bedtimes continue to have poor sleep through childhood. Bedtime should be enjoyable, predictable, and last no more than 30 minutes. Additionally, moving bedtime later (called “bedtime fading”) can really help reduce crying.

3. Missing the medical causes of the sleep difficulties

Children with some medical problems (obstructive sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, anxiety or severe nocturnal fears, asthma, pain, etc.) won’t necessarily respond to behavioral changes.

It is very common for patients presenting to Sleep Clinic to have more than one sleep problem. If I find multiple sleep issues in a patient, I start with treating the non-behavioral sleep problems first before suggesting a behavioral plan. This is why you should discuss your child’s sleep issues with your pediatrician before starting.

4. Being inconsistent

This is probably the biggest problem that I see in clinic– parents who respond differently to their child at night. There are a lots of reasons for this. Exhausted parents have trouble being consistent and may sometimes fall asleep in their child’s bed. Sometimes, one parent handles bedtime or awakenings differently than the other. If the parents are separated, there may be different rules in different homes. Sometimes, a working parent may have the child sleeping at a grandparents’ house until later.

The most powerful form of conditioning is inconsistent positive reinforcement— like pulling the lever in a slot machine. If your child fusses nightly, and is brought into your bed some of the time, that is a very powerful message which validates the fussing.

5. Challenges in the bedroom

Many families live in apartments where the neighbors complain if their child fusses. The child may share a room with a sibling, or live on a noisy street. Sleep training in an apartment may be challenging. If the child shares a room with a sibling, I may recommend that the other child be moved to the parents’ room or another room for a few days to facilitate training.

Also sometimes kids like to sleep in a room with the light on. This is not conducive to great sleep. If it is bright enough to read in your child’s room, it’s too bright for good sleep. Trying putting the light on a dimmer or moving it out of your child’s line of sight.

Free Bonus: I created a guide to avoiding all of these mistakes. It’s a quick guide you can save and reference later as you try this yourself. Click Here to get this free resource.

6. Not being ready

When people quit smoking, experts encourage them to have a “quit date” and not start until they are ready. If one parent is ambivalent, it is OK to wait. Also, defer starting until you can allow a few weeks for the new sleep pattern to be established. Don’t do it right before a vacation, or when house guests are staying, or right before your big presentation at work.

For more on this, read When Not To Sleep Train.

7. Moving your child into his or her room at the same time

your child has never slept in his room successfully, he is going to have a real hard time if you move him into his room and start sleep training. You may need to move with your child into his room for a week until he is ready for you to start sleep training. Here is my article on how to stop cosleeping.

8. Feeding your child all night long

After six to nine months, most children don’t need calories at night. If you are feeding your child multiple times at night, you need to stop it so both you and she can sleep better. I have a guide on stopping night time feeds right here for you.

9. The “Extinction Burst”

This is a behavioral term describing that an undesirable behavior worsens before it improves when you are trying to get rid of it. This is especially common with “cry it out” sleep training.

Here’s what it looks like. Nervously, you decide to let your 9 month old cry himself to sleep. The first night wasn’t too bad. On the second or third night, he’s really screaming. For an hour. Finally, you give him and decide that it wasn’t work.

Sometimes this can get pretty real. Sometimes kids may cry to the point of throwing up. And sometimes little acrobats get creative.

Several years ago I received a frantic call from a friend. Their 18 month old had jumped out of the crib when fussing and had landed on her head. I happened to be nearby and went to check on her– she was fine. However, her parents elected to move her to a big girl bed and it took her issues a while to resolve. If you are sleep training an older toddler, remove things from the crib like bumpers that they can climb.

Unfortunately, if you persist, your child may be done with crying in a few more days.  Sleep training usually works in 3-7 days in younger children. People imagine that it will take weeks but it should not. If you are trying and you are stuck after this period of time, call your pediatrician.

10. Switching to a bed prematurely

 I usually recommend switching kids to a bed around age 2.5-3 years of age, when they are sleeping well. Parents often try switching their kids out of a crib when they are sleeping poorly. Or they may buy an expensive mattress or sheets for their child.

I get it. If you’ve lain down next to your child in a toddler bed or crib, it’s pretty uncomfortable.

Let me tell you though– the problem isn’t the bed or the crib. It’s the behavior. And if your child is sleeping poorly in their crib, it usually gets worse when you make the switch.

The exception is the crib jumping. Then you have to make the switch.

What are the most common sleep training mistakes?

If I had to narrow it down to the two most common reasons why parents struggle and fail with sleep training, I would say that inconsistency and the extinction burst are the most significant.

Free Bonus: I created a guide to avoiding all of these mistakes. It’s a quick guide you can save and reference later as you try this yourself. Click Here to get this free resource.

Parents: what speed bumps have you encountered on the way to a good night’s sleep? Pediatricians: what are the common problems when guiding a family through this process?

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Comments

  2. The trigger for the awakenings certainly suggests a behavioral cause. Is she really falling asleep all by herself? If so, this may be partially due to the transition to the bed which can also trigger some restless sleep. I understand why you switched– since the crib tent recall parents are between a rock and a hard place in terms of balancing good sleep hygiene and safety.

    What are you doing with the night time awakenings? Are you reinforcing them by providing a lot of stimulation?

    Finally, if this issue persists it is worth having her pediatrician to check her out to make sure there is no other medical issue at play.

    • Hi there,

      I have a 6m old daughter, she’s been swaddled and has a soother for sleep. She also has a bottle for bed which she almost 95% of the time passes right out. 6 days ago we dropped the swaddle cold turkey at night and only put her soother in her bed if she wants it. Naps we still swaddle & give soother and she goes right to sleep. We are on day 6 of the Ferber method and she is still waking often at night and sometimes takes close to 2hrs to get back to sleep on her own or if I/she gets her soother back. I feel like we are doing something wrong. Should we 100% take away the swaddle and soother for naps and bedtime and restart the Ferber? I am so mentally and physically exhausted

  3. Thanks for your advice and encouragement! We need it, since we are about to begin night 2 of cry it out with your 7-month-old. When he was 4 months, he would sleep for 9 hours at a time, from 6 until 3, take a quick feed, and sleep until morning. We thought we were cruising towards the coveted “through-the-night.” But then…mysteriously, the feeding time kept creeping earlier, and eventually turned into 2 night wakings, one around midnight, and one at 2am, when I would nurse. We only fed him at 2am, and at the other waking, my husband would rub his chest, re-tuck him, and that would soothe him back down, almost instantly. The problem was, even though it would quiet him for a while, it actually increased the number of night wakings–now as many as 3 per night–some occurring as early as 11pm (bedtime is now 7p). Perhaps this is because we were giving a positive response to the crying (even if it was only 10-20 sec).

    After six months, I had very gradually been reducing the no. of minutes I nursed him, and last night was our first no-milk night. What surprised me was that he cried hardest and longest at the 11pm waking, when all he normally gets is a pat and re-tuck. The 2am (feeding time) crying was intense, but brief in comparison. Still, it was a long night for all us. We are bracing ourselves for another rough one, but the thought of 3+ night wakings dragging on endlessly is a far bleaker prospect!

    • I think you are on the right track. I would also switch his bedtime so that his last act prior to sleeping is not nursing, e.g. nurse him then have Dad sing him a song. Good luck!

      • Thanks! Those first two nights were rough, but every night has gotten better. Last night (night 4) my son still cried, but so weakly and briefly, that I barely woke up. Actually, I had no memory of it in the morning; my husband had to remind me. My son’s mood during the days is as cheerful as ever, so I’m convinced this is the right thing for our family. Now that he has some teeth, his last pre-bedtime act is a brushing session with Dad. Cheers!

  5. A friend came up with what seems like a great idea for kids that climb out of the crib. Remove the springs from the crib all together and stack 2 crib mattresses directly on the floor. This should be high enough to make sure there’s no gap between the bottom of the crib side and the mattress, but low enough that even the tallest and most agile little ones can’t pull themselves up to climb out. There may be cribs out there that this won’t work for, but it has worked for my friend with all three of her kids.

  6. Hi Craig!

    Looking for some advice on training our 8 month old baby to sleep in his crib. We have been co-sleeping ever since he was born (we tried bassinet etc) but he wouldn’t sleep unless he was beside his dad or me. He now takes 2 naps in his crib that last 30 mins each. The only way he goes down for the naps is if we put him to sleep and then quietly put him down in the crib( I know experts say to put him down while hes awake but that hasn’t work). My husband and I are not in favour of the CIO method so was hoping you can offer a different method. I have done some research but haven’t found something that works for our situation. We have a bedtime routine that we follow : bottle, story time, cuddling and then rocking him to sleep and putting him in the crib when he’s completely out. He is usually up in 30 mins or so and this continues until we are ready for bed. At which point we bring him into bed with us. His crib is setup next to our bed. Im returning to work in Sept. so would like to have him falling asleep on his own in the crib and stay asleep. Please shed some light on this issue. Look forward to hearing from you.

    Thanks,

    Desperate mom

    • Unfortunately I do think the issue is that your baby has not learned to self soothe. If you are not comfortable with the CIO method you can look up the “camping out” method which is also evidence based and is noted elsewhere on my site. Also please be aware of the risks associated with cosleeping in children less than a year. Best of luck.

  7. Hello. I am so glad to have found your blog and can’t believe I hadn’t before now as I have had trouble with our daughter’s sleep non-habit since she was born and have thus been researching it since then. I have gleaned good information from your blog and plan on giving it a go tonight! My question is (and I think I already know the answer), what do you think about kids going to sleep listening to music? My 4 yr old son and 26 month old daughter share a room. They have white noise but they also listen to a classical cd (it was actually bed time stories up until recently and that all started as a way to get my son to stay in bed when he was probably her age). When the music is over the white noise is still there. Do you think the music is detrimental?

      • Thank you. I did get rid of it and we are on day 8 of sleep training. I think the training is done! She just kind of fusses a bit, but I can tell her “No fit; it’s time for bed” and she just says “ok.” I so appreciate this information! Your work is truly a ministry and I pray God blesses it 🙂

  8. HI Craig, I started sleep training my son 2 days ago.He is 26 months old.
    I make him to drink milk in a glass before going to be bed in our living room and then take him to bedroom to put him to sleep.I am asking him to sleep on his pillow and keep patting him while light music runs.
    Do u think this is a good approach.I see him sleeping 7-8 hrs staight without waking up and wakes up early morning for 1 cup of milk and sleeps for another 2hrs after that.This is a little relief for us as he can sleep for 7-8hrs staight.
    But i want to check with you how i can get rid of that early morning feeding as well.can u shed some light.

  9. Dear Craig,
    We started sleep training our baby 10 days ago. It started off with great success and exactly how I expected – nights 1 and 2 very hard, but progressively better and better nights 3-5. Night 5 being the best (sleep 9 hours, eat and fall back asleep for the last 3 hours). Since then, things have gotten worse. Night 6 saw a couple more night wakings and since my baby is up at some point in the night hard crying (not just fussing) for 60-90 minutes. I’m at a total loss. It doesn’t seem like anyone has had a regression so early into the sleep training. Is my baby hungry, going through some sort of developmental milestone, protesting sleep training? I have no idea. I fear that going to him will be inconsistent with the training and we will give him the wrong message. But, the crying is also hard to bear. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

      • Bubba & I are on our 3rd night of sleep training.She’s 6 mths old. I still do a 10pm dream feed and I got to 3am last night which was amazing, then she wouldn’t go back to sleep after 1hr so I gave her some water. Tonight though she went down by 7pm but was back awake & screaming at 8.15pm. Wouldn’t settle so I gave a bottle of milk & she passed out. What should I have done if she wakes & won’t settle?

    • I am having this same issue. Nights 1-3 were difficult, 4 was better, 5 & 6 were great (a little crying but never long enough for me to have to go in and check ). Now it’s night 7 and he’s been crying for an hour. I am going in every 10-15 minutes to check on him but he’s crying hysterically. I am desperately fighting the urge to pick him up. Is this normal?

  10. Dear Craig,

    We are on day 7 of trying to sleep train our 18 month old and are not very successful at the moment. He relies heavily on his pacifier, so I am wondering if this could be the crutch that is making things difficult. When we go in after the waiting period, we replace his pacifier. We are feeling pretty helpless and hopless after such a long period of sleep depreivation.

    Thank you!

    • If he is throwing the pacifier out of his crib it is a tactic to prolong bedtime and you need to get rid of it. We are heading towards a similar confrontation in our home. Best of luck.

  11. Dr Canapari,
    We have 5 little ones at home, 3 biological 2 adopted. All three biological slept through the night between 6-12 weeks. Our adopted toddler is 22 months old and still wakes at night. He has been with us since he was 2 months old and has used the same sleep techniques as the others. He goes to bed on his own and falls asleep almost immediately at 6:30-7:00pm and gets up at 6:30 am. He naps once for about 2-2.5 hours at 11-1. But most every night he wakes up to play for about 2 hours. I generally don’t go to him and he eventually falls asleep again on his own. But bc we have 5 kids he must share a room. I don’t think his roommate gets very good quality sleep bc of his playing (he gets loud). He doesn’t usually cry or seem to need me, but I have no idea how to get him to sleep through the night.

    THANKS!

    • This is a complicated question given the history of adoption. Without knowing the circumstances of his adoption it is hard to say– is it due to his biology, or some experience he had prior to adoption. In my experience, sleep disturbance is somewhat common in adopted children. I might discuss this with your adoption specialist and see if they have any insight.

  12. The checking may be counterproductive if it does not shorten the duration of nightwakenings. You also may need to slowly withdraw the amount of milk at night if he is receiving a certain amount of calories.

  13. I’ve read all of this and my 2 year old still thinks she can get up at 1am and play and not go back to sleep I’ve tried all sorts.she only just started it as she was waking at 1am then 3am but I just put her back in her bed and she slept but now she wont even go back off she goes back to bed but then gets back up and starts playing please could you help me..

  14. Hi Dr,
    Hopefully you can help me with a question I have. My daughter is 6 months old and waking every 40 min or so all night long. We have tried CIO with 20 min checks before and she cried so much that we gave up . It was so hard to hear her cry but I realize now that it has to be done for her own good. My question is, what if she crys for let’s say 2 or more hours? Do we let her go this long? We are planning in doing the extinction method because she got so worked up when we checked on her the last time . How much crying at one time is too much? The last time we tried training she could easily cry for over an hour. When should we step in and comfort her ? Please help. Thank you

  15. Thank you so much for your blog Dr. Canapari. It’s helped us tremendously!

    We’ve finally been able to get our 2.5 year old son to go to sleep on his own in his own room. He was doing really well and sleeping through the night (yay!) but now he seems to be waking again in the middle of the night. We’ve been at it for about 10-12 days now and last night he woke twice!

    I think the issue is that my husband rushes in to soothe him when he cries out for “mommy” which is funny because I’m the tough one who wants to just leave him to cry and put himself back to sleep. I think going in to him is rewarding his crying and it’s getting worse.

    We live in an apartment so my husband is worried about the noise. However, our neighbours are so noisy themselves I’m not concerned. We’ve solved all his health issues and I don’t think it’s nightmares. Any advice to help eliminate the night wakings?

    • Sometimes scheduled awakenings can help if awakenings are at the same time. You go in 30 minutes prior to the usual time then wake him- just to the point where he turns over, not so he is awake enough to do long division. Good luck.

  16. Hey i am in a very difficult situation here i have 22 month old twins boys and i am exhausted trying to put em to bed i just cant figure out the mechanics of putting them to sleep on their own each one of em take 20 40 minutes of individual rocking soothing bouncing to sleep.how do i make em sleep on their own???

  17. We have been sleep training our five month old for the last two weeks, gradually going from three night feeds (after a period of teething) down to none. Now, the last four nights he has gone to bed at 7pm and woken at half three taking an hour to go back to sleep before waking at 7am for his feed. This time doesn’t seem to be reducing and I wonder whether we are being realistic to expect him to go back to sleep at this time? Incidentally, even if he feeds at 3.30 he still always takes at least an hour to settle back to sleep at this time. Would value your Advice!

  18. Have been reading your blog, has been really helpful but would like to check I am doing the right thing. Our just turned 2 yr old girl has slept 7/7:30 to 7 since 8months old. Her brother was born 12 weeks ago. For the past 8 weeks or so she has really started screaming after her bedtime routine (nothing has changed). So we started reading to her before bed, and shortened her afternoon nap (thinking maybe she just wasn’t tired) still no improvement, So decided to take the side off her cot so she wasn’t trapped, and opened her room door so she felt she wasn’t alone (she isn’t tall enough to open the door yet) We are now working on the stay in bed technique. Is the screaming a separation anxiety due to new sibling? Do you think what we are doing will ease her stress or do you have any other ideas. Thank you.

    • It sounds like this is a reaction to the new addition. I would be leery of transitioning to a bed during this period. She might benefit from some alone time with mom or dad during the day.

  19. We are on night 12 of sleep training our 5 month old, and he is still crying for 30-45 minutes before falling asleep every night. We started sleep training because rocking him to sleep wasn’t working well anymore. It was taking well over an hour to get him to sleep every night, and he was waking 5-10 times a night. The night wakings stopped from the first night of training, but from everything I’ve read the crying before falling asleep should have decreased by now. I’m at a loss as to how to proceed. Do I need to give up? Accept that he’s going to cry every night? It’s so awful to listen to, even knowing that he is getting a much better night’s sleep than he used to.

  20. My 13 month old son is a good sleeper, but likes a bottle and to be rocked for about 20 minutes to fall asleep at night. He occasionally wakes once or twice a night (not every night) to be snuggled for about 30 minutes, falling asleep on either Daddy or me. Due to sickness, teething, and learning to walk, it seems he is now waking more frequently. We would like to sleep train him to break him of the rocking/snuggling to sleep habit, as we have an almost 4 year old daughter who is over her head in the snuggling-to-fall-sleep at nighttime habit and we don’t want to fall into that trap again. However, in a week we will be moving from our single-family home to an apartment for a 6-month lease prior to moving to our new home out of state next spring.

    When would you suggest starting the sleep training?

    1. Now – we are in our own home, he’s in a familiar place, but we are only here for 1 more week (7 more nights). We understand we may have to sleep train again once we get to both of the new homes.
    2. In the apartment – we’ll be there for 6 months in a corner unit on the top floor, but there may be neighbors on one side or below us who complain about noise.
    3. In our new permanent home – we won’t be there for at least another 6+ months, and don’t want to get our son deeper into the rocking-to-sleep habit.

    Please help! We appreciate any suggestions!

  21. Hi Dr. Canapari, thank you for your blog. My wife and I are sleep training our 4.5-month-old girl, a process we started at 3 months. We had some initial success, with no crying at bedtime and then nearly sleeping though the night. (Bedtime at 7:30: nursing, book, song, placed into crib awake; and we do a “dream feed” at 10:30 before we go to sleep.) Gradually this success has been eroded and she now cries for ~10 min at bedtime and wakes once or twice in the middle of the night.

    We don’t know if this is due to 4-month regression, or whether there is something else we are missing. Another issue could be that we don’t allow the pacifier at bedtime, but have been using it at naps and night awakenings. We had planned on phasing out the pacifier at naps/mid-nights once she mastered bedtime, but she never quite got there. Do you think we should try an absolute no-pacifier in the crib policy? Seems severe but I think she is confused about when she is allowed pacifier and when she is not, which is causing more crying and frustration.

    Thank you for reading this and for any insight and guidance you can offer!

    • Overal sounds like you are doing well. Remember than 1-2 awakenings/night is not that uncommon in this age group. Getting rid of the pacifier may help as well, although the AAP recommends continuing pacifiers until 6 months of age. You could also consider getting rid of any nocturnal feedings you are performing if your pediatrician does not think that she needs them.

  22. Hi, I am on day 7 of sleep training my 6 month old and I don’t understand why things aren’t improving. I have been going in at 5,10 & 15 min intervals (she just gets more and more upset when I go in!) results so far-

    Day 1- cried for 30 mins,slept 10 hrs
    Day 2- cried 41 mins, slept 10.5 hrs
    Day 3- cried 31 mins, slept 10 hrs
    Day 4- cried 20 mins, slept 11 hrs
    Day 5- cried 28 mins, slept 10.5 hrs
    Day 6- cried 18 mins, slept 10.5 hrs
    Day 7- crying for 40 mins so far…

    Help! Why is it worse tonight? I’m considering complete extinction and just not going in at the intervals because she gets SO UPSET when I do the check ins! Any feedback will help, thanks!

  23. Dear Dr. Canapari,

    I appreciate wholeheartedly the blogs and active replies that you put your valuable time into. It sure gives hope and insight to many frustrated and helpless parents.

    My 17 month old daughter was sleeping nice and by herself till 3 months of her life. Her digestive reflux problem and cows milk and other allergies through breast milk was getting hard on us since we had to hold her straight for 30-40minutes after feedings. That’s when I started co sleeping with her which improved our sleep quantity but she got used to feeding on demand and getting up every few hours to feed all night. Until last month we were still on the same torturous schedule and no body sleeps without interruption.
    On Sep. 5 I put her in the crib to start CIO for the first time. She seems to be that kid who likes it better! Every night since then she has fallen asleep in 10-30minutes by self soothing and not much complain or cry. It was a struggle to put her to bed prior to this and tormenting to both of us. (She sleeps by 7-7:15pm and is up by 6:30am mostly.)
    She sleeps 3.5 – 4 hrs and wakes up around 10:30 or 11:30. ( before this hr if she wakes up, she falls back asleep in 5-10min). She starts calling us or talking and asking for water( she is very verbal). She then takes 1.5 or more to settle down with little crying. Only to get up in another 30minutes. She then again takes 1 or 2 hrs and it seems like she doesn’t sleep at all.
    We have tried to give her a sip of water, pat her but no taking her out, not going in at all, rock her or even bring her to bed. But nothing at all helps her to fall back asleep until 3am or so.
    To make things worse, for the last 4 days she started having BM 1-2 times in the night and she calls us to tell us about it. She gets bad rash so we have to change her. And that makes her upset and then getting back to sleep in crib gets harder for her, not that like she was sleeping better before.
    She still wants to feed on me whenever I bring her to the bed. Denying her that and expecting her to sleep next to me causes her to get upset and cry and she does not give up to sleep even if she is tired. And if I let her feed then she wakes up in 1.5-2 hrs to feed and sleep again.
    What are we doing wrong or missing?
    Night weaning with sleep training in crib happens automatically or should I work on it separately first then put her in crib once that is achieved?
    Should we just let her be in the crib all night no matter what happens? Does that improve night awakenings?

    Your help is very much appreciated.

    • There is probably too much to unpack here in a blog comment. I would concentrate on slowly weaning the calories at night either by switching to bottles of milk and slowly reducing the volume, or increasing the intervals between feeds. Your pediatrician can review these issues in detail in the office.

      • Thank you!
        I slowly weaned her off of all the feedings except one in 24 hrs; every morning 4:30ish.
        She is still getting up in the nights but is able to sleep back by herself.
        All I can say- it’s helpful for parents like us to have a support from doctors like you. And listening to mothers instinct and infants growing needs will guide always. It takes persistence and patience during the up and down graph of their first couple years.

  24. Hi Dr. Canapari,

    Was hoping you could offer some insights on our situation. Our 6 1/2 month old was almost sleep trained fully (I used the extinction method) – she had several wakings, but almost immediately put herself back to sleep by night 5 and slept about 11 or so hours. On night 6, I made a grave mistake…she had a soiled diaper at around midnight and so I changed it and then nursed her. She woke again at 4am and then I nursed her again. Then she slept until 6 or 7. The next night was almost like starting all over again. This has been going on one week now. I am now feeding her once during the night, but we haven’t quite settled on the time. It’s moved up a bit and last night I fed her at 2:30am (earliest I have fed her in the last week, but I knew she was genuinely hungry as she didn’t eat as much as usual before bed) and then she proceeded to wake up every hour crying if not once or twice more until 6:50am. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated! I am ok with one feeding for now.

  25. Hi Dr. Canapari,

    We have two girls, an almost 3 year old, Keira, and a 10 month old, Lucy. Our oldest had zero issues sleeping after doing the ferber method with her at 6 months old, then sleep went downhill after more houses were being built in our subdivision and she can now hear a train that comes by 4 times per night. She would wake up screaming, which would wake up Lucy.

    When only have a two bedroom townhome and in order to sleep train Lucy, we had to move Keira into our room and put her twin mattress on the floor. She was hesitant at first, but actually started sleeping much better in there since she couldn’t hear the train as much. Lucy took to the extinction method amazingly and was sleeping through the night in just a few days. She still has an occasional wake up where she does cry, but she puts herself right back to sleep. We then decided that it would be a good time to get the girls to sleep in the same room. Worst. Idea. Ever. Keira would wake up from a train, waking up Lucy, or Lucy would wake up screaming and Keira would start crying and come into our room. I should note that we put Lucy to bed at 6:30 and Keira at 8. So the different bedtimes make it extremely hard too. We even tried putting them in the same room at the same time for bed and letting them cry it out, but that was a mess. We just ended up letting Keira sleep in our room on her mattress for a month.

    Now we have Keira back in her room and she’s afraid, again. Gets up multiple times a night crying, waking up the baby who is now sleeping in our walk in closet turned nursery. We have to tip toe around our room to go to bed at night and all of this is not working! We need help! I know Lucy would have no issues if she had the room to herself again, but we cannot move Keira into our room again and let her sleep on our floor forever. Lucy is thinking that she can nurse any time Keira wakes her up now, which is NOT good as she was weaned from night time nursing a few months ago.

    How do you keep a 3 year old in the room with a crying baby? Keira is scared to death of the train going by too, so I don’t think the extinction method would work for her – can you even use that on a 3 year old??

    I appreciate your help in this crazy situation!!

  26. My 11 wk old refuses to sleep unless held for naps and at night. She has maybe done it three times where it has lasted longer than a few minutes. She has a strong temperament so she has a very intense almost breathless cry where her face turns purple when we try to put her down. So I wonder if I should / can let her cry and put her down in a less sleepy state. Any advice? She can sleep 4 hrs at night if held.

  27. I have a 1 year old, who was a great sleeper until she turned 7 months and in our exhausted state we gave in and co-slept which was great because she slept straight through:/. But I am reclaiming my bed back and have started sleep training, we tried the CIO method but she got herself in such a state, scratching at her face and hitting her head against the cot. So thought the camping out method might be better for us, its day 9 and it was working great and we were making progress until 2 days ago. When our daughter started waking up at 10pm then 2pm and again at 5am. Also naps which weren’t a problem before have become one, she becomes hysterical as soon as I go to lay her down in her cot. Do I stick with this method of training and hope things get better or are there any tips where I might be going wrong?

    • Kelly you could be experiencing a belated extinction burst so I might stick with it a few more days. Alternatively check your routine for even minor inconsistencies. If you are still having troubles I would review everything in detail with your pediatrician or a sleep professional. You could also work with me via a virtual consultation.

  28. We tried CIO for two nights before wife got guilt-stricken and we stopped and went back to nursing to sleep. Little one is now 5 months old and wakes up every hour hysterically and the only way to calm down is nurse. How long do we have to wait to try cry it out again, next day, week, month? Thanks so much looking forward to hearing from you!
    Trent

  29. Hi Dr. Craig Canapari,
    I have a 2 year old who recently started fighting going to sleep at his 7:30 bedtime and keeps waking up earlier and earlier every morning. We thought 5am was earlier but lately it is 4:30 or earlier. I have tried laying beside his crib until he falls back asleep but it doesn’t always work. We have even brought him into our bed but have realized that none of us actually falls asleep. If we don’t go to him when he wakes up then he continues to scream and jump out of his crib. He sleeps in the room next to his 5 month old brother and we are afraid that his screaming will wake him up.
    Should I do the extinction method for the early waking and bedtime? We did it when he was younger and it worked then.
    We are moving to another country in a month with a 12 hour time difference and will need to share a room with both children for a few weeks. Should I wait to do CIO until we have settled into a new house and routine?
    Thank you for any advice.

    • This sounds like a tough situation, between the crib jumping and the planned move. If your son is in danger of falling out of his crib you may need to switch to a bed. Frankly, I would wait for any sleep training until your move as you will likely have to start again anyway.

      • Thank you for the advice. I forgot to mention that my son takes a 3 hr + nap in the afternoon. Should I try cutting his nap time shorter with hopes that it will adjust his morning wake up time?

  30. I have a 5 month old who started waking up every few hours last month because of sleep association with pacifier. Tried sleep training for bedtime and not naps without pacifiers. Worked for few days then started crying louder and longer at bedtime, I stuck with it for almost a week. Then, I gave in and gave the pacifier back and we are back to square one frequent night wakening hysterically crying and non refreshed in morning. Do u think I failed because I didn’t take away pacifier for naps? Was it an extincyion burst? Should I try to sleep train again after 1-2 days?

    • I think it was an extinction burst. Give yourself a break and then try again at six months of age.

  31. Hopefully you can help me out here. I started sleep training and am on night 4. Things are not improving at all. Night 1 she cried 45 minutes. Night 2 15 minutes. And night 3 and 4 were both 25 minutes. Middle of the night wake ups have been inconsistent as well ranging from every hour to every 3 hours. She also seems like she wants to sleep in later in the day instead of her normal 7am wake up. Should I let her sleep in despite it effecting her naps for the day? Or keep waking her up at 7am? She is currently going to bed at 8pm

  32. We started sleep training my 11 month old daughter 5 days ago, day 1 she cried for 35 min, day 2 was 15, day 3 was 5, awesome, then day 4 hit and it was 40 minutes, day 5 which is today was an hour, is this an extinction burst? Should I stay the course? We do use a pacifier, and she also has a stuffed animal thay plays lullabies when it’s belly is pressed that she sleeps with. I just need to know if this is an extinction burst, and if here is an end to this in sight. Thanks.

  33. Do you ever find the extinction burst can come up to a week after sleep training starts? We have been following Dr. Ferber’s method for 7 nights (our son is 4 months old today), and tonight he cried for an hour at bedtime after he had been going down progressively better and better every night this week.

    For context: not only did he start the sleep training program last week, we also moved him from a bassinet in our room (at night) and a swing in the living room (for naps) into a crib in his own room (for both) all in one fell swoop. Ferber says that can be more effective and actually easier on the baby than doing one thing at a time, which seems to me like it would cause even more crying.

    Now at nap time, he talks/complains for 2-10 minutes (but rarely cries) and then falls asleep for an hour to an hour and a half so it seems like he’s doing great there. He wakes up refreshed and happy every time, and never seems cranky or disoriented. Another plus.

    But at night, he still prefers to nurse himself to sleep. Up until a week ago, this had been a two hour affair from 7-9pm every night at the end of his bedtime ritual (which is why we decided to sleep train him now, to break that association). Over the last week, after he has finished eating, I have tried to rouse him to a drowsy half-awake state while I put him in his sleep blanket and place him in the crib, and while he did cry the first two nights, over the last few nights he has started instantly resettling and then sleeping for up to 4 or 5 hours before waking to feed (which seems like success to me?). Then tonight he was not having it and cried for over an hour before passing out, much like he did when we started the program.

    His morning wake ups had been getting earlier and earlier all on
    their own, and his bedtime and naps have been drifting earlier too. But this morning he woke up late (at 7–the day before it had been 5:30) so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised that he didn’t go down quite as well or as early as he had the night before. He was asleep by 7:20 last night but tonight we put him down at 7:30 and he cried intermittently until he finally fell asleep at 8:50. I know he was fine because every time we went in there he grinned from ear to ear like it was time to play. He wasn’t wet or dirty, and I knew he was full, and he didn’t seem to be in any teething pain tonight, so we just stuck to the progressive waiting schedule and let him work it out… Feeling guilty all the while.

    Basically my questions are these:
    1) did we start this whole thing too early and too cold turkey?
    2) what time should he be waking up and going to bed, really?
    3) could this bedtime issue be solved by leaving MORE time between nursing and going down in the crib (instead of having nursing be the last thing we do, though I actually quite enjoy it) and then trying Ferber’s method again?
    4) is it normal for kids to fuss and complain for a while every time they go down for a nap?
    5) or are we overthinking this and it’s actually totally normal for kids to have a couple bad days/nights even a week into sleep training?

    Thank you so much for your thoughts! Love your website and appreciate your kind, supportive, and well-researched approach!

    • There’s a lot to unpack here. Overall it sounds like things are going well. Having your partner put him to bed and nursing him a bit earlier in the sequence may be helpful. I think things are going pretty well. In terms of the napping, my older son didn’t take good naps until he was 10-11 months of age. Best of luck.

  34. Hi Craig,
    Desperately need help with our 4.5 year old. She slept great on ‘gina ford’ for first 3 years and now has woken up 1-2 times a night the last year! She says she has to pee, change her nappie and is scared of monsters so she needs us, also she just seems to pee a lot at night – trying to decrease the water in her bottle next to her bed as she does drink at night. More importantly, when we give her an incentive she will only wake once a night (buy a new toy) but other times she gets angry, wakes up 3 times a night yelling, angry, or just won’t go back to sleep. We try to talk to her in day and she says she will try and then just wakes up – seems like she wakes up all the time!
    Best,
    Jean

  35. Very interesting! Why do you think the fancy French are able to sleep train at 6 weeks if you think it best to wait until 4 months?

  36. Dr. Canapari,

    Our 11-month old daughter has absolutely no problems falling asleep or napping, but staying asleep has been our challenge. She’s had stretches in the past where she did sleep from 7-8pm to 6-7am, but they seem to be the exception rather than the rule. Throw in some teething, traveling, sleep regressions that probably became bad sleep habits, and I have found myself stuck in the “2am and the ONLY way to get her back to sleep is a 2oz bottle” habit. (Yes, I recognize I created this problem! And yes, we have an older child who sleeps like a dream, so we’re not total rookies at this.)

    I’ve tried the obvious solutions: letting her cry back to sleep, but she will do this for up to 2-3 hours (which seems very long?), and heaven help you if you go in there to soothe or comfort her Ferber style because that makes her rage and only escalates the problem. I’ve tried diluting the milk or even just giving her water, bringing her into our bed (never again!) and she gave up her pacifier a few months ago.

    I’m afraid I’ve fallen victim to the inconsistency or extinction burst trap, but honestly, it’s very hard to let her cry for 2+ hours every night without seeing any progress. Surely, that’s on the far end of the scale of how long you should let them cry?

    Any advice/pep talk you can share would be MOST appreciated.

    • Hi Kate. I’m not convinced that 2 oz. of milk is the cause here. She may actually need a shorter sleep opportunity. Have you considered moving bedtime later by an hour or more and preserving her current wake time? That may be helpful.

  37. Hi Craig! Thanks for this article! I just found it while I was searching for some information about cry it out! We are on night 3 of trying Richard Ferber’s progressive-waiting technique. Our daughter won’t lay down. Every time I try to lay her down she immediately gets back up. After I leave the room she falls asleep sitting up. This has happened the last 3 nights. Even now she is sitting up. In the last 2 days, she has taken one 45 minute nap in our living room floor after she fell asleep on my husband and he put her there. She has also taken a few very short naps in her bed when we lay her down for nap time. We are just convinced it may not be working. And we don’t want to keep depriving her of her sleep! I guess I’m looking for some advice or encouragement that I’m doing the right thing! I hope all is well with you!

    ~Donna

    • You are just at the extinction burst. I suspect if you stay the course things will get better soon. If they don’t, I would talk to your pediatrician. Good luck!

  38. Hello Dr. Craig
    I am a first time breast feeding mom and to say I’m exhausted is a understatement! I have a four month old beautiful baby boy whom I haven’t been able to really enjoy I feel like during the day he is miserable. Up until now I haven’t really attempted formal sleep training I have mostly just been establishing routine in hopes that naturally good sleeping habits would follow unfortunately that has not been the case! He wakes up usually between 8:30-9:30 very happy and smiley I attempt 3 naps a day with bedtime between 7-7:30. The first issue is he NEVER naps longer than 30 minutes and when he wakes the only way I can get him back to sleep is if I sleep with him which is obviously not possible all the time so he is irritable, fussy, and clingy until his second nap of the day where he is so overly tired he’s a nightmare to put down.When I finally do get him down like clock work 30 minutes later he is bright eyed and wide awake! From then till his third nap he is so exhausted and fussy he just cries if I put him down for a second so by his 3rd nap (usually around 3:30-4). The 2nd issue is bedtime now I am consistent with bedtime we have a routine I follow and he has fell into that grove pretty smoothly and goes down pretty easy however, he always wakes up to eat twice before 9, and then a third time where he stays awake until about 11-11:30! Lastly the most exhausting issue is he will not fall asleep unless he is bounced… go figure right! So this being my first rodeo I feel like I am in trouble, and doing nothing right up until now I have just been doing whatever I had to to keep him happy but I have created bad habits and don’t know where to start to fix them. I am not completely against CIO however I cannot go through that ALL day for every single nap, and every time he wakes to early and bedtime, and the wakings after that it’s just much, and my baby boy crying that much in a day for a few days will destroy me. Please any advice sorry for the long post, but I am at the end of my rope!

    • Dear Kristen– it can be really hard in those first few months but I promise it will get better. First, I recommend that you sit down and work with your pediatrician and/or a certified lactation consultant to see if there is anything you can do to consolidate feeds. Your boy is a bit young to sleep train, I think, although your instincts to move towards routine are correct. As for the naps, I can tell you that my older son did not nap for more than 30-40 minutes until he started walking. I might try to limit it to two naps a day (the first 1.5-2h after waking up then the second after lunch) and see where that gets you. Again, your pediatrician will be an invaluable resource.

  39. Hi Craig, I have been reading your comments and everyone else’ s for quite some time now and think its time i finally ask for HELP.
    My wife and i have a 2 year old that since day one has not been a good sleeper at all. He cries so much he gets a sick and will get a nose bleed when trying to let him cry it out.
    Lately we have had him sleep between us at night, which one night can be a 12 hour sleep for him, next night up 4 times, quite upset each time he gets up. ( possible night terrors ) We are going to try and have him go back into his room and try and fall asleep on his own, will try and set his bed time a bit later and hope that helps.
    Right now when i set him in his bed , he could be fully asleep in my arms and wake up the second i lay him down, and upset screaming once i leave room,
    We have weddings 4 of the next 6 Saturdays coming up so is now a bad time to start the sleep training considering he will be at grandma’s a few random nights while we are at weddings?
    Maybe its consistency, maybe we are not stern enough i dont know,
    please any help from you or anyone is else greatly appreciated,

    • Hi Dan. Sounds like you have a lot going on right now. I agree that this is not the best time to start. Have you tried talking about this with your pediatrician? It sounds like a complicated situation. Worth exploring further to see if there are any medical factors in play. Best of luck.

  40. What an amazing sleep resource! I wish I’d found it earlier in my parenting career.

    My 23.5 month old daughter has begun trying to climb out of the crib. She is still nursing (a little before bed and naps; none in the night) and it appears that she’s climbing out to find me/because she wants to nurse/because needs wants or needs me to help her fall asleep.

    I’m not sure if I should wean her completely (and immediately!) in hopes that this helps encourage self-soothing and crib sleep? Or is the issue the bed? Should I instead focus on the sleep environment, in hopes that once we are confident she is safe, we’ll be more able to let her cry/soothe herself to sleep?

    Our current situation – normal sleep routine (bath, pjs, books, rock, boob) followed by close observation of the baby monitor in case she tries to jump, followed by Daddy patting her to sleep every night – is hardly enjoyable or sustainable.

    Many many thanks for any insight you have to offer.

    • Thanks for your kind words, Anne! I think that you are in a pickle here; it isn’t really safe to have a kid jumping out of the crib, and this limits your ability to limit set here. You could try a later bedtime to see if that helps. Otherwise, you may need to transition to a toddler bed then put in a place a sleep training plan to deal with the disruption that would entail. Good luck.

  41. Hi I have some qs about CIO. My 2 year old goes to sleep fine but wakes after about 4 hours and will continue to cry various degrees for the next 6 hours it had been 6 days and it is still happening is it a bust or are we doing something wrong?

  42. Hi Dr Canapari-
    For various reasons ( waiting to do renovations on our very small and old house, lots of travel) our baby has slept with us from about 3 months until now- 9 months. It has become difficult as he crawls and putting him down to sleep in our bed means watching the monitor constantly. Recently when we traveled we put him on a crude Montessori bed and when he woke we had time to get there. We can’t do that at home. We feel like we can’t have a sitter because he sleeps in our bed! He has the happiest disposition and never cries. His father and I exclusively watch him. He is breastfed. We started trying to sleep train him two nights ago in a crib in our room. Night one dad camped while he cried it out for an hour. I drank wine and blasted the TV! When he finally passed out after an hour my husband gave me the monitor. He woke and cried for one minute before I broke down and put him in bed. The second night I did a pick up put down that resulted in fairly quick calm but overtired playing for 45 mins before I broke down and put him to bed. Tonight I again did pupd but it seemed like j was torturing him by constantly calming him then upsetting him again. Eventually he won. Again.
    My husband thinks we need good old fashioned crying it out but I think he will hurt himself. He pulls himself up but is still unsteady- especially when tired. Hits his head so much in crib. He just hates it. He is a disaster. Ideas? Help?

  43. I have an 18 month who has been sleeping 11-12 hours straight for the past year. However, the past week has been absolutely awful. Screaming the second he knows it’s time to go in the crib and waking in the middle of the night. He has been awake for up to 3 hours during the night. When we first sleep trained him, we did CIO extinction method (no checks) and it worked quickly. However, now the screams/cries are awful and he could easily go on for over an hour. Do I do CIO again? Could this be the 18 month dreaded sleep regression and if it is, do I wait it out and comfort him or do I go back to CIO? We are pretty miserable and suddenly feeling like we have a newborn again (except no maternity leave this time)

    • A later bedtime plus CIO may work. However, it may be worth checking with the pediatrician to make sure there is not a medical cause

      • After a recent climbing incident, we had to switch him to a toddler bed and now he wants us in his room every night until he falls asleep- length of time totally varies. Have you done CIO extinction with a toddler when in a toddler bed. His door has a child proof lock so he can’t open it.. but he will run to the door and scream “mommy open door please.” It’s heart breaking and so far I have only lasted 20 min without going in. Pediatrician just says to do extinction- she said he’s getting teeth so give motrin and leave for as long as it takes until a reasonable time in the morning. Have you heard of success stories with a child this old. He’s two now.

  44. Hi,
    My son who will be 4yrs old next month has always slept through the night, both falling asleep alone and sleeping through til morning. In the past 6 months he has started waking at night and calling for me, and after checking on him I try not to come back…but he bangs on the door, bangs drawers open and shut, turns on lights, roams the room, etc. He is locked in so that he does not go into his twin brother’s room which is down the hall. In the past two weeks this has escalated to an every night event, and he is saying he is scared (of everything…the curtains, the stuffed animals, the sheets, etc.) and physically will not stay in his bed. He wakes every night around 1-3am and basically never goes back to sleep…if i lay with him he will sometimes fall back asleep for a short period, but always gets back up within 20mins-1hour. I am beyond exhausted and don’t know what to do at this point! Should I sleep with him or push on with cry it out? I had a conference with our pediatrician who said to stay with him until he falls asleep at night (he has started not going to sleep at bedtime either and is very anxious) and to go to him when he calls me at night to soothe to sleep. I feel like we are going backwards now though bc I am not being consistent with our 4yr ritual of not sleeping with him! Help! I am also 7mo pregnant and need to resolve this before I am up all night with a newborn too!

    • In a situation like this, I think you need to figure out what is triggering the anxiety and take a little time for things to cool down. I also do not routinely recommend locking kids’ doors because it can be quite scary for them. I agree with your pediatrician. Once things calm down a little bit you could try a strategy like the bedtime pass. Good luck.

  45. I’m desperate. I feel like a terrible mother who is floundering. My son slept in a co-sleeper in our room until he was 9 months old. He had been nursed to sleep throughout the first months and throughout the night. He progressively got harder to put to sleep. At the 9 month check up the doctor suggested it was separation anxiety since he could see us from his crib and to begins sleep training. We moved his crib to his room and began “cry it out”. The summary:
    Night 1- nursed to sleep, awoke 3 times crying for over an hour each.
    Night 2- Gave bottle, burped, placed awake in crib. 1 hour to fall asleep
    After Night 3, he will put himself to sleep in 10 minutes or less.
    Our biggest struggle is the reawakening. He wakes around midnight every night (we are ten days into the training) and will cry for 3 hours. It has been happening for 3 days now. He is crying as I type this. After I check on him I do not enter his room again. It seems to make the hysteria worse. I watch him from a video monitor. Then after he is finally asleep around 3 or 3:30am, he is awake and screaming again at 5am.

    Nap time is even worse. Since his sleeping is so scattered, I don’t know when his naps should be. Some days he can’t stay awake past 9am and other he won’t fall asleep until 11am. I don’t want to force him into the crib if he isn’t even going to sleep. He already cries at the sight of his room and crib. He was a happy baby but I seem to have broken his spirit.

    • I’m sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. I don’t think that you have done him any harm. One thing you could do is play with him in his room and crib during the day to desensitize him a bit. Also, was he feeding during the night prior to this transition?

  46. My son is 14 months old and has always been a ‘bad’ sleeper – fights naps in the day – often only falling asleep in pushchair for 40mins midday. And was breastfed and often up hourly. He has been in his own room since 6 months but still up now 3 times at night, only falling asleep if I rock him on me taking 1 to 2 hours before I can lay him back down, for then to wake 50mins to 1.5hrs later. It’s got to the point I can’t cope with all the wakings so I am trying the ‘lay down, leave 2 mins, lay down, 3 mins etc’ increasing to 10 minute bursts. This appears *touches wood* to have ‘worked’ when putting him into his cot at the beginning of bedtime (but as soon as it is time he starts screaming histerically before we can get him into his cot) i leave for 1 min, lay him down, and he sleeps until 1.30am ish where he is up again. Is it normal for the in the night wakings to take longer to start working? It’s taking approx 50mins. I am on night 7 – how long should i try for? I know the following are silly questions, and I am not a cruel mum, but I am desperate not to sabotage myself: if he has soiled himself I assume I change him and then lay him down etc – i worry the process will stimulate him too much and I am back to square one? How do you judge if it is ‘push back’ screaming or that he needs you? ie teething or not feeling well? Do you still lay him down? Or give him the hugs? Does this undo everything? Basically I am worried any interaction outside of laying him down will ruin anything good I may have done. Please don’t think I am a bad mum for even contemplating some of the above. I wouldn’t neglect my little dude. He has never given me a good night and I am at the end of my tether.
    Should I do the same training at nap times?

    Thank you for any help you can give.

    • Hi Cheryl. There are too many questions for me to address in this format, and it might be useful to bring this list to your pediatrician. That being said, I’m unclear if he is falling asleep on his own at night. This will need to occur until the night wakings occur. And when your kid poops at night, you are usually stuck changing him. Checkmate. I would keep focusing on your plan at bedtime (perhaps with some refining with your pediatrician) and see where that takes you. I’m not familiar with the “lay down, leave”, method, so I can’t comment on its efficacy. Best of luck and hang in there.

  47. Hi Dr. Craig,

    Thanks for your insight in this article. I’m really struggling with my almost 5 month old and her difficulty napping. She is a pretty good nighttime sleeper though I do have to nurse her to sleep and she needs the pacifier put back in her mouth anywhere from 3-10 times a night, but she usually only eats once a night. The only way I can get her to nap is to either wear her and and walk around the house, drive around in the car, or nurse her but once I put her down she wakes up and cries. If I keep at it (picking her up and nursing her again and then trying to put her back down) for 30-50 minutes I can sometimes get her to go down to sleep in the crib for 45 minutes max, but since I also have a toddler, I can’t really spend the time doing this frequently. I’m at my whit’s end and crying a lot myself so I tried CIO with some checks yesterday and today, but so far she cried for a full hour without sleeping twice (I just went and got her after that time), and once she cried for 35 minutes and then only slept for 20. Listening to her cry is killing me, especially since she isn’t even falling asleep after an hour. Do you have any advice for me?

    Thanks,
    Megan

    • In my personal and professional experience, you tend to get either good nights or good naps before six months of age. The lack of good naps is pretty frustrating. My older son didn’t nap well until he was moving around well (around 10 months of age). If you want to try CIO for the daytime naps, I would put her down for a 45-60 m nap opportunity and then get her up if she doesn’t sleep. This will take more than a day to succeed, however. It may also be worth continuing what you are doing and revisiting it in a month or so. I would discuss the options with your pediatrician. Good luck!

  48. My son is 5 months old but was born 5 weeks prematurely, making him 4 months adjusted. Our pediatrician still wants us to feed him at night to help with his weight gain (he just hit 13 lbs). Up until recently he’d been sleeping from 6-11/12 waking for a bottle, then waking again around 3/4, then every hour until 6 am. Now, however, he’s up every hour and I’m exhausted. I want to sleep train but I have two concerns:

    1. How to incorporate 1-2 night feeds until his pediatrician gives the ok to wean

    And

    2. We’re moving in a couple of weeks. Is it best just to do some gentle sleep training until the move and then try something more aggressive? Or should we go ahead and start a more aggressive route and expect to have a setback when we move?

    Thank you!!

    • I just published a post today on feeding but it is not quite right for your boy as he needs a bit of help growing. I would ensure that you limit yourself to the feeds prescribed by your pediatrician and work on getting your son to fall asleep at night. I would not make any major changes until after your move, however.

  49. Hi,
    I have a 4.5 year old who always seems to wake after 3-4 hours of sleep. She starts whinging first (we leave her at this point to see if she goes back to sleep) then cries out for daddy. Daddy then goes in and lays with her till she falls asleep. If mummy goes in then it’s a full blown screaming tantrum. Some nights she’s very good and doesn’t wake at all, but this could only be once every 2weeks. She shares a bedroom with her younger sister who’s 3 and she’s brilliant. They both go to bed at 7.30 with daddy reading them a book each they have chosen. Please help

  50. My son is 2.5. He has always been a good sleeper unless sick or teething. He started preschool a couple months ago and has been sick more than half the time which has resulted in nighttime wakings. He’s been well for the past week or so but he’s still waking up in the middle of the night. He started crawling out of the crib when he last got sick so I now run to his room when he calls.

    The past two nights have been pretty difficult. When he wakes I bring him into bed with me. Not usually a problem, but NOW he wants all sorts of stimulation, light on, play time, food, water you name it…he pulls out all the stops. When he’s not getting what he wants, his fits have become screaming, hitting and biting. The other night after being up from 12-2am I finally resorted to putting on the Baby First channel and it immediately calmed him and we were able to go to sleep with lights and tv off within 15-20 mins. Last night it was even quicker but again by using Baby First nighttime programming. I’m so fearful I’m starting a really bad habit.

    I appreciate your advice.

    Thank you.
    Laura

    • Hi Laura. I share your misgivings about the use of television to help your child fall asleep. Long-term the strategies can causing problems for you. Generally, once your child can get out of his crib, you need to switch to a bed for safety reasons. If you are not falling asleep on his own, you should work on the first. If he is, then you may need to try extinction . I would talk about this with your pediatrician. Best of luck.

  51. Hi there. I am at a loss with my 8 1/2 month old. She doesn’t sleep! She was sleeping 6 hours at a time when she was 6 weeks to 3 months or so. When she turned 4 months, she started waking every 1-2 hours and continues to do so at 8 1/2 months. She was co-sleeping with me up until 6 1/2 months, then we moved her to her crib in our room. At 8 months, we moved the crib into her room but the night wakings continue. She won’t fall asleep without being patted or held. We’ve tried controlled crying but she would cry for 3 or more hours and I eventually just patted her to sleep. We tried that for 4 days and the crying never lessened and she still woke every few hours. She’s now teething and I don’t know if this is the best time to sleep train. Her naps only last for 30 minutes as well. I don’t want to let her cry it out but I’m afraid there is no other way. Should I wait until she’s done teething? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    • I can tell you that my own experience was prolonged crying for the first night of extinction (2 hours) then 20 minutes, then none. By eventually patting her back you are reinforcing the crying. A later bedtime may help as well. Best of luck.

  52. Dr. Craig,

    I would be interested in your thoughts on our daughter’s sleep issue. Since she was born, she has been a terrible napper. Even in her early weeks, she would wake from daytime sleep at 45 minutes screaming — I would feed her, put her back down, and repeat the cycle. I was blown away by others talking about their newborns sleeping hours at a time. Since then, naps have continued to get worse — at almost 15 weeks old, she consistently is plagued with 26 minute naps. The only way to extend naps beyond 26 minutes is to play musical beds and shift her from crib to swing to arms to carseat to carrier, etc throughout the day every time she wakes. This issues occurs with every single nap, every single day. My husband and I did what we could to “survive” early on, saying that once she learned to self soothe, this problem would finally go away. At 12.5weeks, we decided to utilize CIO (checking on her at 5,10,15 min intervals) in order to help her learn to self soothe. We also stopped swaddling one arm (so that she could use that for soothing) and no longer offered the paci when we put her down. To our surprise, she did great with this and by the second night was already falling asleep on her own within 10 minutes. So we progressed to naps, and she quickly did great going down for naps, as well. Now she often is asleep within 5 minutes for naps with minimal crying and 10 minutes at night. I should also note that our sweet little girl has been sleeping 11.5-12 hours straight at night for about 3 weeks now (amen!). Maybe we are asking too much, but we had hoped that through our efforts of teaching her to self soothe, she would be sleeping past the 26 minute mark on her own. But the issue continues. I don’t believe that she is hungry because when I hold her/move her around for naps/take her on walks/wear her/etc, she continues sleeping until around her next feeding. But without me going to great lengths to extend her naps, she will wake at 26 minutes and quickly escalate to inconsolable screams. I realize that we are so fortunate to have a great nighttime sleeper, but I am at my wits end when it comes to daytime sleep. If we allow her to just go the 26 minutes of her natural rhythm, at 4 naps a day … that’s less than 2 hours! She cannot make it until bedtime at that. Like I said, we have survived up to this point by me essentially forgoing any attempts of accomplishing anything in my day aside from holding, playing with, and feeding her … but at 3.5 months, I can’t continue doing this. I’m desperate for any advice and/or encouragement you have to offer. Thanks in advance.

    -Laura

    • Hi Laura. This may not be what you want to hear, but I feel like many parents either get good naps or a good night’s sleep at this age. I think you are actually doing really well. I can tell you that my older son did not nap well until he started “scooting” (a crawling variant) at nine months of age. Kudos for doing so well at night.

  53. Dear Dr. Canapari,

    Thank you for writing such an informative article. I’ve been having a difficult time sleep training my son since he was six months old. Each time we have let him cry it out, our nights of good sleep are short lived and within a month he will have at least one random night waking (outside of his usual 1AM wake-up to feed). Since at the time the behavior seems out of the ordinary, we go to him and (usually) I will nurse him thinking he is hungry. But then we find ourselves in a situation with multiple night wakings, every couple of hours, and again we start the sleep training process. We have been repeating this series of events about every two months, and each time we sleep train him, he cries louder and for longer periods of time. Given that he was premature and, at a year old, only weighs 17.5 pounds, I still haven’t let him go the entire night without a feeding. I’m thinking maybe this is the reason he is still waking up after so many attempts at sleep training. Any advice and guidance would be much appreciated.

    Thank you.

    N

    • I suspect the night feedings are a driving factor as well. If you have not already, meet with your pediatrician, and a nutritionist as well. If you stop the night feeds, he will likely make up the calories during the day. In the interim, why don’t you give yourself a break until you sort this out? I have an article on this as well, but of course take it with a grain of salt given your son’s medical issues.

  54. Hello! We are on our fourth night with our just turned 7months old. First night she slept through the night and nights after that she woke up and fell back to sleep.the last couple of night she keeps on waking up by around 10-11 and cry for 30-1hour.
    Is that normal? Since we are on our fourth night already? I’m worried that we might have a set back or its not working for her. Also for nap time I’m doing the same thing but she crys for sometimes an hour and sleep for 30 mins.
    I’m really frustrated coz there’s no improvement with the amount of crying she have. I also feel bad coz I feel like I’m torturing her 🙁

    Do you have any advice to make this work? Am I doing something wrong here? BTW I’m breastfeeding and started solid foods for her..I don’t have her in schedule naps I just wait for the cue when she gets tired.but we have a stable bedtime routine.
    Thanks so much, I hope you’ll respond.

    • I think you are in the middle of an extinction burst. I would continue what you are doing for a few more days and reassess. How are you responding at night? Is she feeding at night?

  55. Hi there,
    We’re on day 5 of sleep training our 4.5 month old but we’re only doing bedtime right now.. We modified the check ins to make it more frequent, so it’s improving but slowly.
    My question is that we aren’t doing naps yet. He still nurses to sleep at nap time and has no scheduled naptime. I nurse him to sleep when I see he’s getting tired. Should start doing naps now? Or is it ok to let him tackle bedtime first?

  56. Hello,

    I stumbled onto your page after googling numerous sites to try to help my 5 month old boy sleep at night and naps. It has been super insightful. Unfortunately our sleep/nap training is hitting some bumps. He is a pacifier baby. We did CIO at 4.5 months with periodic check ins, by giving him the pacifier at the beginning but not replacing it if he drops it or pulls it out himself (something he learned recently!). I wasn’t sure if this would be confusing as my husband found eliminating the paci completely was too mean for our son as he finds so much comfort in sucking his pacifier. We also would like to keep the pacifier for him during the day time, especially for emergency meltdowns in public. He has been good at falling asleep at 7:30-8:00pm now at night after day 4 of training (those odd times he would still wail if he was over tired). He would then sleep until 4am in which time I would feed him but then he sometimes doesn’t go back to sleep or would sleep until 5:00am. He is still tired as he’s yawning after I take him out of the crib and bring him downstairs. I don’t know how to extend his wake up, I would prefer his wake up time to be 6:30am earliest as this is the time I plan on waking him up for daycare in 2 months, any earlier than this and his first nap is when I drive him to daycare or even before!! I’ve tried a 7:30pm bed time and an 8:00pm bed time and still he is like clock work, wake up at 5:00, 5:30am if I’m lucky. We’ve tried to let him CIO at 5:00am to see if he’ll learn but since the need for him to sleep isn’t very strong, I find he can cry for the entire hour and a half (stopping here and there for 5-10mins) if I let him.

    I’ve only started his nap training today, with the same method as his night training (paci at the beginning but not replacing). His naps currently doesn’t last more than 30 mins, I’m hoping it goes longer. Some times, he cries for about the same time his naps are which makes me feel awful but I can’t keep going up every 5 minutes replacing his pacifier, especially when he goes to daycare. A part of me also feels like despite all the training I’m doing for his naps now, it might all go out the window when he starts daycare in January. The staff will probably do whatever they need to, to get my boy to nap with minimal disruption to the rest of the infants. I’m confused as to what I should do. Nap train? Don’t nap train? Suck it and continue with the holding him with the pacifier until daycare? Days I wish babies came with instruction manuals.

    • Your little guy is still pretty young, and kids don’t always nap well at this age. The most important issue is to continue with what you are doing at bedtime. If you want to take a break at nap time, I think that is ok.

  57. Hi there. My 7 month old has been a difficult little man from day 1. We battled extreme reflux issues and because of this, he never slept or napped well. Now that his reflux is improved we want to work on sleep. It seemed like he was starting to get into a groove with bedtime (only waking 2x a night—huge improvement) so we thought we should work on nap time since he has never napped unless we have bounced on an exercise ball (takes 1 hour of bouncing for approx 20 min of nap) He’s only getting heavier so we voted enough bouncing!
    We thought we would try the controlled cry it out method going in at 5-10-15 min to check on/pat, but he screams the entire hour at which point we get him out of bed. We were doing this twice a day (for both naps) and did this for 5 days. He has slept a total of 1/10 hours. (Broken up into 10 min here and there)
    I would be okay to stick with it, however it’s now affecting bedtime, diaper changes, outfit changes, etc. Everytime we go to his room for anything he starts crying!!!! I have a rocking chair in his room to feed him and now he won’t nurse because he looks around the room, realizes he’s going to be put down, and starts screaming. I knew there would be crying involved but this has turned into the scream for an hour method.
    I don’t want this to affect him! I don’t know what else to do.
    I’ve also read about the camp out method but not sure if my 7 month old is too young to understand it? Also not sure if I could sit in his room and listen to him full volume scream.
    Help!!

    • “Camping out” can work but can be hard to do, as you point out. Remember that the checking is for you and not for him. If you don’t think the checks help, you should stop.

  58. Hi Dr. Canapari,
    We are into night 6 of sleep training our 4 month old, he’s doing great in that he can put himself to sleep always in 5-10 minutes or less with no night awakenings. The only thing that bothers me is that he still cries immediately as soon as I put him down in the crib, like he knows I’m leaving him. We’ve been coming in at 2 min (day 1) and now at 7 min (day 6). We keep everything consistent – one night light, his favourite blanket, and a white noise soundtrack. The crying is obviously upsetting to me as a mom… is it likely he’ll stop, or are we reinforcing it by coming back in?
    Thank you for your time!

  59. We are doing Ferber with our 5.5mo (weighs roughly 21 lbs, for reference). Night 7 and things are going relatively well – although it still takes him a while to go down at night…

    My question is regarding the single night feed I’ve been giving him during this process (not before 6hrs of sleep). He typically falls asleep during this nursing – or very close thereto- and is close to asleep when I lay him back in his crib, but then wakes immediately on my exit and proceeds to cry REALLY hard for a LONG time (40min – 1hr+)… NOTE: He is not getting nursed right before bed at the beginning of the night because I needed to break this sleep association.

    At this point I think he’d do better without the feed because the re-separation seems to bother him more…

    Dr Canapari, what do you think??

  60. Hi,
    Our little girl is doing great – 7.5 months and pretty much sleeping from 7 – 5. The last few weeks she’s been teething in a major way and had her first cold. So her 5 am wake up (which is early but reasonable considering the cumulative sleep) started creeping up. Now she’s up and crying/ talking around 4. My husband wants to go in because he’s convinced she has a dirty diaper (she just started pooping regularly, following introduction of solids). Sometimes she does have a dirty diaper – other times not. Either way, if I go in – she’s screaming even louder than she was with the dirty diaper and then we’re all up.

    I want to reestablish our program and not go in until 5 – or even 5:30. What’s your perspective on the dirty diaper?

  61. Our 23 month old is in the middle of a major sleep regression. We did Ferber around a year, and sleep was GREAT from then until about 2 weeks ago. Started with an illness, lots of night waking, coughing etc. Now he’s waking pretty hysterical, yelling for us – if we go into his room he demands to sleep in our bed (which we’ve caved and have done – I know, I know..) and is also wanting milk in the middle of the night (which we’ve done….I KNOWWWWW, the worst). He hasn’t tried to climb out of his crib, we have tried ignoring him – he just gets more and more upset/loud/crying. I know separation anxiety can be an issue at this age – he has started to talk much more about not wanting to go to school/work, “Mommy don’t leave the house” at bedtime, and we reassure him that we are in the house, etc. Do we try to fix all of this at once, or address one issue at a time (ie the milk?). Help?

  62. Dear Dr,
    I have a 10month old son who I am endeavouring to sleep train. Bedtime routine is good & consistent, he is going to sleep without much issue.
    The real problem is night awakening. He has been waking at least once or twice a night to feed, but my health visitor says he is old enough to go without night feedd now so, after trying lots of non-crying methods, we decided to CIO.
    Last night (day 1 of training) he woke at 01:30 (went to sleep at 7pm). He eventually went back to sleep at about 4am after crying all that time (me periodically checking in).
    Tonight (day 2), he went to sleep at 7pm but woke at 03:30 and is still crying now (06:20). I have been periodically checking. The problem is that we’d normally be getting up about now! I don’t think I should get him up or feed because that might send the message that I give in after three hours?! Likewise, I don’t know how much more I or my son can take of the crying. Is this an extinction event?

    • I think you need to keep to the same schedule as usual. If you would get him up for breakfast, then you should do so. I suspect you will be over the hump soon. Best of luck.

  63. Hi Dr. Canapari,
    Thanks for your website. I’m pretty desperate. I have a 6 month old daughter we are attempting to sleep train. Prior to sleep training, she slept in our room and was constantly waking up. I would nurse her back to sleep (big mistake!).
    Tonight will be our 8th night of sleep training. Her bedtime routine is consistent and she is in her crib by 7. Solids, bath, tummy time/play, then we go into her bedroom where the lights are dim around 6:45pm. She is tired and rubbing her eyes. I play a lullaby and breastfeed her until she is sleepy. I place her in her crib when she is awake. She protests immediately or sometimes will fall asleep but only for 10 minutes before waking up and screaming. The screaming crying will last anywhere from 2-3 hours. The screams just get louder the longer she cries. I will go in and comfort her in timed intervals. She has only ever fallen asleep when I’m in the room during the time I’m comforting her after a lot of crying. She will then sleep until 3 am where I go in and quickly feed her (5 minutes) and place her back in her crib. She will sleep until 6:45am (HUGE improvement from before).
    Last night I tried camping out to see if I could eliminate the hours of crying. She fell asleep much easier but did not stay asleep. She was up every 2 hours throughout the night.
    I thought by the 8th night we would have had this down but instead I feel even more frustrated. She has cried for over 14 hours in the past week. I feel cruel for letting this continue. Are some babies more stubborn? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you sooo much!!

    • You’ve got to think about what you are doing during the checks at night. A check is looking at your child, telling them it is OK, that you love them, and that it is time to go to sleep. Then you leave. No touching. No picking them up. Checks are more for parents than for kids and in many kids may prolong the crying. See my FAQ for more information..

  64. We are working on sleep training my 8 month old son. he was a very colicky newborn and has grown into a very sprited, active infant. Sleep has been a challenge with him right from the start. We were never able to put him down while awake early on and have, as a result developed sleep associations with nursing and rocking to sleep. we have been consistent with bedtime (around 7:30pm) as well as our routine,though he usually cries through almost the whole thing until I nurse him at which point he falls asleep and we place him in the crib. He used to wake once or twice a night for a feed and was quickly back to sleep. Well, that has now turned into waking about every 2 hours, or more often, where he is instantly screaming until either myself or my husband rocks him to sleep. He does not stop screaming when we go to him, but only after some time rocking or if I nurse him. I only nurse him at his midnight and 4am wakings.
    We are not opposed to CIO, but I don’t really know how to go about it for these night wakings. He sounds absolutely terrified/angry immediately upon waking. We have started pick up/put down method because I can’t seem to find anything else that could potentially work for our little guy. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

  65. Last night was night 2 of sleep training (progressive waiting) our 5 month old. He cried longer than the first night, but from what I read, that seems normal. What I am concerned with is that he consistently wakes one hour after he falls asleep, and that usually continues through most of the night. I am not really sure what to do about the night wakings. Anytime my husband tries to get him to calm down, he resists and screams until he is finally handed to me which then he will usually stop crying immediately. Also, my husband is really concerned with how intensely our son cries. It’s pretty much a scream and he is worried it is harmful to let him cry to that degree. Any help is appreciated. Thank you!

    • There isn’t much evidence that sleep training hurts your child– and believe me, my kids cried pretty hard too. The night time awakenings will get better with time.

  66. We’ve been sleep training our 5 month old for a few weeks now…she has always been a pretty fussy baby, used to require bouncing on a yoga ball to calm down or fall asleep & woke up often during the night. Now she initially goes to sleep at bedtime easy but always wakes up about 30 min later & cries for 20-30 minutes pretty much non-stop. Then shell wake up about every 3-4 hours. I feel like she should be improving by now but it’s pretty consistent every night. Is she too little to learn from sleep training? She also still fights going down for naps pretty hard as well. Any advice??

  67. Hi!

    I am currently sleep training my 7.5 months old daughter. We are on second night currently, and I have already faced a serious problem. She falls asleep on her stomach with face right down in the mattress. I know that it is not safe, so I turn her over, she then wakes up and all the crying starts again. What should I do?

    • This is worth talking about with your pediatrician. In general, once kids can roll over, I relax the “back to sleep” rule provided that the sleeping environment is safe (firm crib mattress, no loose blankets, stuffed animals, crib bumpers etc in the bed). Good luck.

  68. Ive really enjoyed these articles! Thanks!
    We have an almost 7 yr old, a nearly 6 yr old and an almost 3.5 yr old. We moved into our new home a year ago and actually started getting better sleep than ever before. HOWEVER we have hit a strange wall. In spite of pretty good bedtime routines they are now struggling to fall asleep and wake in the night time wanting to come into our bed. There are no night terrors or bad dreams to speak of. I am now a tired and very cranky mom.
    Evening routine looks like this: They are all home from respective schools at about 4:15, they get some TV time till 5:30 when it goes off and our first grader does her homework while the other two play and supper is made ready. Supper between 6/6:15, bath/shower after, PJ’s and dental care, story, into bed, song, big lights out. Our girls recently moved into their own room in order to help bedtime go more smoothly. The 3 yr old likes it more quiet and dark, the 5 yr old usually falls asleep very quickly and the 6 yr old has never needed much sleep. So the 6 yr old has now been allowed to have a period of time when she can look at books quietly with a small light by her bed.
    This seemed to be working well and now… They suddenly want more closeness as well as the simple fact that they are waking up more often.
    I will start melatonin this week and see how that helps in the overall pattern. Are we making a mistake letting our almost 7 yr old look at books for another half hour or so?

    • I don’t think that the reading is a problem. However, I’m a bit concerned about the melatonin because a) it doesn’t help too much with awakenings b) this sounds behavioral. Being a bit firmer during the awakenings will likely get you back to where you were. I can’t tell you why these phases occur, but if you are consistent, your kids will likely be sleeping well soon.

  69. Hi…great advice on here!

    We have just started sleep training our soon to be 1 year old (started 1 week ago). He just moved into his room, his crib. We’ve got a 5-10 minute routine, consistent 7:30 bedtime down…cries about 20 minutes (not even consistently) but he will not lay down. We have a video monitor…so looking in on him through that, he sleeps sitting up, head bobbing and all. He’ll make it all night without crying, but he is not getting a restful sleep. We don’t go in and lay him down because I know he’ll just wake up and cry. Is he just being stubborn? Is there anything we should do differently?
    Thanks in advance!

      • Thanks…I think you are right. Tonight…no monitor – his room is next to ours, so I know I’ll hear him if there’s a problem. He’s our 4th child – and first video monitor. I wonder if our others did the same? Who knows! And they are all fine and sleep very well, on their own, now 12,9, and 6 years old. Thanks for the reassurance!

  70. My son is turning one year old tomorrow and we are on night 7 of sleep training. We start our routine right after dinner which is bath, story, singing and/or play, nursing then put him in his crib awake. Nights one, two and six he cried for 5-15 minutes then I went in to lay him down (he stands and cries) and he goes right to sleep. The other nights he went to bed awake and fell asleep on his own. EVERY night he wakes up 2-5 times where he cries for 5 minutes, I go in and tell him it’s bedtime, lay him down and he goes right to sleep. Should I not be laying him down when I go in to check? I don’t know why he’s still waking up multiple times a night? I try to hold off on his morning nurse until 7am everyday because that is when he gets up for daycare. Before sleep training he was nursing at 4 or 5 am then going back to sleep. Do I need to push on because we are close or am I missing something? I think my biggest problem is bringing him in my bed in the morning for his morning nurse and he sometimes falls back to sleep in my bed. We are exhausted because of his night waking!

    • That’s tough. I think you may need to start ignoring him at some point and letting him lie down if things do not improve. I also agree that having him come in in the morning is not helping you.

  71. Hello, I am reaching out because we have been working really hard with my 8 month old daughter on sleep training (something I resisted with every bone in my body until she turned about 7 months and it simply was no longer sustainable for any of us). We have used Ferber, though our check-in schedule was slightly shorter than what Ferber describes in his book, but we did go up each waking and each night. The first couple nights were rough, but she did so much better than we expected. She was doing an amazing job settling during night wakings and crying less and less at bedtime until she basically didn’t cry at all. We waited to train for naps until about a week ago and so far it’s going quite well – she’s able to settle herself for a nap in her crib pretty quickly and we aren’t letting her fall asleep on the bottle/nursing before the nap. The last couple weeks though, while doing great at falling asleep for bedtime (after a routine of nursing > bath > lavender lotion massage > diaper change/PJs > books > lullaby > crib awake), she’s getting worse with night wakings. My daughter, who still breastfeeds or drinks pumped milk by bottle, has not really needed night feedings since about 6 months old (I could tell because when I would offer to feed her during the night, she would very quickly fall asleep and not really eat much – suggesting she was doing it for comfort). In the last couple weeks, she is waking up more during the night and getting really upset and unable to settle herself back down. My husband and I disagree about what to do next – I have a hard time ignoring her in the middle of the night and worry that she could be hungry even if she may not technically “need” to get fed then and my husband thinks that we are reinforcing the crying, which only leads to more crying, by me going in there to feed her. She will eat during these night wakings, but not so much that it’s clear she needed that feeding and she really resists going back down in her crib after this such that each of these wakings takes like 1-1.5 hours. We’re all exhausted and I feel like while we made progress with bedtime and nap times, we are really regressing in terms of night wakings, which makes two full-time attorney parents very sleepy and defeated. I’m curious if this comes up and whether you have any advice. Much appreciated!!

    • Sorry for the delay. I wonder if this is a late extinction burst. In which case you need to stay the course. I would counsel against escalating feeds as it will reinforce the awakenings. Finally, it’s worth checking in with your pediatrician to rule out a medical cause.

  72. Hi there. My Son is a “high needs baby”. He has always been fussy, never taken naps or slept well at night. I started sleep training him about 2 weeks ago. I’ve removed all the sleep associations (except swaddle bc I think he still startles himself awake). I put him down fully awake for naps abd bedtime. He still is waking up multiple times a night and naps we wakes up 30 to 40 mins later and I let him cio back to sleep. When will he start sleeping through the night? Meaning 7pm to 6am? Is it not working because he’s a high needs baby? I’m really trying here! Help!!

    • Hi there. Hard to answer without knowing how old your son is. Would definitely discuss with your pediatrician and make sure there isn’t a hidden medical cause such as GERD.

  73. Hello Craig

    Thanks for all the advice. We’ve been following this with our one year old and have had massive improvements.
    We have a consistent bedtime at 7pm bed by 7.30. He fall straight to sleep on his own now (previously only after nursing/patting). He still wakes up occasionally for a drink of water then goes straight back off on his own.
    Our last hurdle is that he’s waking at about 5am, doesn’t appear to want anything in particular but he just won’t settle back down, he still appears tired (rubbing eyes & ears/yawning etc)
    We’ve tried dropping his morning nap but it makes no difference (he has 30mins at 10am and 2hrs at 1pm)
    Is there anything else you can suggest to stop this early waking?

    Thanks Craig

  74. Hello….. We just barely switched our 21 month over to a toddler bed…. We are expecting another baby in a month. We were trying to do the switch early so he didn’t feel like he was getting pushed out (this way he would have a few months since baby will be in our room for a while) We have stuck to our normal bed routine for a week and haven’t had a lot of luck. Before the transition he was a great sleeper, we would just lay him down and he would put him self to sleep. Ever since moving him to the toddler bed we have to soothe him completely to sleep or he sits at the door and cries. (He is sleeping for a good stretch at night once we get him to sleep, but isn’t sleeping as long as he used to…. Also his naps have been a lot shorter as well.) I know it may take a little bit for him to get used to his new room/bed. How long does it normally take for them to get used to the transition? Should I be letting him cry it out to go to bed at this point? Any help would be great!

  75. I’m slowly starting to sleep train my 6 month old who wakes up 2-4 times during the night. My question is if I’m putting her to bed at 7:15 what is an acceptable time for her to nurse? Am I reinforcing night wakings if I feed her at a 5 am wake up? Or would that be acceptable? She would definitely go back to sleep after. She typically sleeps until 7:45 with at least 1-2 feedings in the night.

    • It depends on what you want to do. If you want to get rid of those night feeds you will need to consider weaning. Honestly, otherwise things sound pretty good.

  76. I am at my wit’s end with my son’s sleeping habits. It seems I’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work. My daughter is almost two and she had a hard time with sleep until she was night weaned around age one. She is very high energy and we had to let her cry it out or else she would just want to play with us ALL THE TIME. She is a great sleeper now.

    My son is a whole different ball game and I have to say that after reading tons of online threads, books, etc. I have never seen anyone with a similar issue and I just don’t know what to do. He was 6 weeks premature and spent two months in the hospital, part of that time involved a heart surgery and recovery time. He’s had several health issues but I’ve been assured by his pediatrician and cardiologist that it’s ok for him to cry; he is almost 7 months and about 5 months adjusted (his motor skills are about 3 months adjusted, so I wonder if that has anything to do with it.) Anyway, ever since he came home from the hospital he’s been waking up for 1-2 hours in the night and just sitting there. I used to go be with him and try to get him to sleep or lay down with him but he’s like my daughter and any interaction stimulates him to stay awake longer. I try nursing him to sleep but that rarely works. We decided to let him cry during that time and he usually cries for an hour then falls asleep, but crying then, plus at bedtime and naptime has me on edge all the time and it’s just too much for him. I hate crying but understand it can be useful/necessary with some kids. This just seems like too much!I just don’t know how else to get him to sleep for more than 30 mins at a time during the day. He also has the hardest time with naps. The thing is, he will sleep for hours if he’s in the Ergo, but I just can’t wear him for all his naps anymore. He likes to sleep and is very cuddly, he just has a hard time falling asleep unassisted and me doing anything to help him seems to make him more wired. This is his schedule lately:
    Wake around 7:30 am, nap around 9 (he usually cries for 30 mins then sleeps for an hour), nap around 12 (same thing)…I tried doing a third nap but he will cry for longer than an hour for this nap because he’s so tired or mad. I’ve started putting him to bed around 5:30 or 6 (like Weissbluth suggests for an overly tired baby) and he does ok until around 2:30, then it starts all over again with the awake times and the crying. I’ve tried crying, not crying, soothing, nursing, singing, walking around, taking him downstairs, moving bedtime later and earlier, waking him up earlier, more and less naps, etc. I have NO idea what to do!!!! Anything you can suggest would be so helpful. Thank you!

    • It sounds like things are all over the place. If you are worried about a possible medical cause of his sleep issues (which is understandable) I would consider having your pediatrician order a sleep test. If that is normal I think that you might need to consider either a cry it out method or a “less cry” solution like camping out. Best of luck.

  77. I have another question regarding night wakings. My 5.5 month old goes down really easy. No fussing or crying, but is a restless sleeper. Often wakes up every hour or so, fusses and cries and then back to sleep. Then around ten she is wide awake. I nurse her and put her back down and she throws herself a party in her crib until 1 or 2 in the morning. I tried one time to pat or even rock her to sleep, but it made it worse. She will then sleep until around 5am, nurses, and then goes back down easy. We’re on night 8 of sleep training. I’m not concerned about nursing two times in the night, but it’s upsetting that she is wide awake for two to four hours in the middle of the night. Any advice? (We have a bedtime routine, I don’t nurse to sleep, she takes three naps a day…her first nap being two hours and the other two are a struggle and around thirty to forty minutes. Her wake time between sleep is about 90 minutes and her bed time is down at 630 and usually asleep before 7. She would sleep all morning if I let her, but I have been waking her up at 8 or 830.)

  78. Hi
    I have a 1.5 year old who cries hard at nap time and bedtime. She sleeps through the night most of he time after she finally falls asleep. She started this last June and has not stop. She had stopped in September for a few weeks but then we left town and it started up again. Any suggestions. I most often breast feed her at bedtime and occasionally she will fall asleep but most of the time goes into her crib awake. I have tried rocking her, sleep training her, going. Back in only makes it start all over again. Sometimes she cries for a minute, sometimes 15-30. As she gets older, the crying is harder. I have two older daughters that I sleep trained around 8 months and they never had a problem.
    I feel bad listening to the crying as she is the happiest kid during the day. I keep hoping she will realize crying won’t get us back in there as most of the time, we just let her cry.

  79. Hello DR Canapari,

    My daughter is 16 month old. Wakes up every 1.5 hours to feed. We are co-sleeping since her birth. We don’t have a crib for her. Please help me with the following questions:

    1) suggest me with the detailed sleep training plan apart from CIO

    2) is it necessary to buy a crib in order to sleep train her

    3) is it possible is she can sleep train n share our bed

    Please help me … I have not had sleep since her birth..
    Thank you for ur support

    With hopes
    Jessu

  80. Some great advise here already- thank you.
    I am going to try CIO as from tonight, because to be honest I am a very pregnant very grouchy zombie right now!
    Bit of background- my son had reflux as a baby and has struggled a little with phlegm/mucous up until recently. At 1 year old he got croup pretty badly and I was so afraid he would stop breathing I felt I had to allow him to sleep propped up next to me. This went on for over a week. From then on, he would be hysterical when I put him in his cot and would get so worked up he would choke and vomit. I couldn’t bear it and so from then until around a month ago he slept in with us.
    Around 2 months ago, at 28 months old, we started getting him to sleep in his new toddler bed with bed guard. Prior to this we started spending more time in his room so he was used to the surroundings. We started off laying with him, as he always soothed himself whilst playing with our earlobes before turning over and going to sleep (part of our problem!). We then tried finding an alternative comforter but he just wasn’t interested in anything so we decided after a week or so to start sitting by the door after we put him to bed until he fell asleep.
    We are still at this stage, sometimes having to lay with him to get him to stay in bed (especially at 4am after the 4th wake up), but usually sitting by the door until he falls asleep. The trouble we are having, is that in the last week he has gone from waking 3-4 times a night to waking 6-7 times a night (this has happened for the last 3 nights). Would you say it’s time for CIO? I am thinking that training him to self soothe will help him to go back to sleep without waking us when he wakes through the night? I’d really appreciate your help, second baby due in May so we are hoping to crack this before then. Thank you!

  81. Hi there.. I have just recently started to sleep train my 6m old little girl.. It’s going great but she has just started to teeth and is a lot more sleepy.. My question is if I let her sleep more during the day is it going to mess everything up. Should I stick to the our routine instead? Thank you

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