Sleep Training Methods: Find the Right Approach for Your Family

Sleep Training Methods: Find the Right Approach for Your Family

Sleep training works. The research is clear, and I’ve seen it help thousands of families. But there’s no single “right” method — the best approach depends on your child’s temperament, your parenting style, and what you can actually stick with.

Here’s my honest breakdown of what works.

Not Sure Where to Start?

Take the Sleep Training Quiz — I’ll help you find the right method for your family.

What is sleep training?

Quite simply, sleep training is teaching your child to fall asleep independently at bedtime and put themselves back to sleep when they have natural awakenings at night. Historically, we used to call the problems we were treating sleep onset association disorder and limit setting disorder but many kids have features of both, so we usually call problems falling asleep and staying asleep chronic insomnia.

Which children will benefit from sleep training?

If your child needs your help to fall asleep at bedtime (you have to stay with them), needs you to help them go back to sleep at night when they wake up, or are waking up too early in the morning (say, before 5:30am) your child will likely benefit from sleep training. Remember, though, if everyone is sleeping well in your home, and you are happy with your arrangement, you don’t have to change anything.

Sleep Training Methods Explained

Extinction (Cry-It-Out)

• Cry-It-Out Sleep Training Explained — How it works, when to use it, and why it’s not harmful

Gradual Methods

• Camping Out (Chair Method) — Stay in the room and gradually withdraw
• The Excuse Me Drill — A gentle technique for anxious kids
• The Bedtime Pass — Perfect for toddlers and preschoolers who keep coming out
• Bedtime fading — Sometimes can be the “secret sauce” in sleep training. Essentially, moving bedtime later to harness your child’s natural sleep drive.
• The Bedtime Game — how to help an older child stop cosleeping with you

For Young Babies

• Le Pause: Avoiding Sleep Problems Before They Start — The French approach to newborn sleep
• Sleep Training at 2 Months: Is It Too Early? — What you can (and can’t) do with young babies

Before You Start

• Sleep Training Mistakes and Pitfalls — Common errors that sabotage success
• The Never-Ending Bedtime — Fix bedtime battles first
• Harnessing Sleep Drive for a Better Bedtime — The science behind why timing matters

What to do first before sleep training?

I think the most important thing is taking a hard look at your child’s bedtime ritual. The great thing is you can do this at ANY age, even when you take your newborn home from the hospital. High quality consistent bedtimes are associated with better sleep quality throughout childhood. Here’s a post explaining why this is. Let’s break this out a bit:

• Consistency means bedtime happens about the same time on typical days, and has the same events in the same sequence. A good bedtime for babies and preschoolers through early elementary school age is between 7:30-8:30 PM.
• Bedtime should included enjoyable, positive activities like stories and songs, with the last part occurring where the child sleeps. 
• Bedtime should be short and sweet (<45 minutes), with a forward momentum. Meaning that you go to the bathroom, then the bedroom, then lights out. Keep things simple and moving. Don’t move your child towards bed, then away, then towards it again.
• If your child has an aversion to being in their crib or room, it’s important to spend some pleasant, fun time playing there during the day to emphasize that it is a positive place.

If you are reading this post, you and your child have likely fallen into some bad habits around bedtime (fighting, lying with them until falling asleep, eating a chicken dinner in bed, etc). By establishing a consistent time and pattern of bedtime, you are going to essentially revise these habits so that, with time, your child will actually crave their lovely and predictable bedtime. Read more on how habit psychology impacts sleep issues here.

If you are working on starting a good bedtime, here’s a video on how to start a good bedtime routine.

When to Start Sleep Training

Wait until at least 6 months of age, preferably once night feeding has stopped. (Sometimes, starting at four months can work but check with your pediatrician first.) If your child has autism or developmental delay, these techniques still work but should be applied more slowly.

When NOT to Start Sleep Training

• Your child may have a medical problem disrupting sleep — talk to your pediatrician first
• If you want to pursue co-sleeping as a lifestyle, you may find it more difficult to adopt these recommendations, although they can be put into play if you are room or even bedsharing– it is just harder. I believe that cosleeping is associated with worse sleep long term for parent and child. If you are cosleeping and want to stop, here is my guide on how to stop the cosleeping habit.
• A major life event is coming up (move, visitors, big work deadline)
• You’re dealing with major stresses that make a week of disruption unsustainable
• More on when not to sleep train

Still Night Feeding?

If your child is over 6 months and still feeding multiple times at night, that’s likely part of the problem. How and when to wean night feeds →

Sleep Training by Age

Babies (4-12 months) Most methods work well at this age. Cry-it-out is fastest; camping out is gentler but takes longer.

Toddlers (1-3 years) Camping out is probably the winner here.

Preschoolers & Older Kids (3+) The Bedtime Pass is my go-to. For anxious kids, see My Favorite Treatment for Nighttime Fears. The Bedtime Game works great for cosleepers.

Common Questions

Will sleep training harm my child?

No. A review of 35 studies showed no negative effects on attachment, behavior, or mental health. Importantly, fixing your own sleep can help your mental and physical health– which will help your child. I wrote about this in Why Fixing Your Child’s Sleep Is Not Selfish.

How long will my baby cry?

A 2018 study found crying peaked on day one and resolved within a week. Parents were happy with the results. More on this here: How long will my baby cry during sleep training? For toddlers and older kids, you may avoid crying altogether with gradual methods.

Does it get worse before it gets better?

Sometimes, yes — this is called an “extinction burst.” It usually peaks around night 2-3 and then improves rapidly.

What if my child is sick or teething?

Pause and restart when they’re healthy. A few days off won’t undo your progress.

What if it’s not working?

The most common reason is inconsistency. You need to be almost robotic in executing the same plan every night. Top 10 sleep training mistakes →

What about night wakings?

Fix bedtime first using your chosen sleep training— the night wakings usually resolve on their own. For the middle of the night, do whatever you need to survive while you’re working on bedtime. If the awakenings persist after your child is falling asleep independently, it’s worth talking to your pediatrician to see if you could be missing a medical problem.

Go Deeper

My book It’s Never Too Late to Sleep Train covers all of these methods in detail, with step-by-step instructions and troubleshooting for every age.

Or get started now with my free Sleep Training Jumpstart: