I get asked this question all of the time. Parents are understandably worried about how long their baby will cry during sleep training. It’s a terrible feeling when your child is crying even if you know it will help them sleep better long term.
No parent likes to hear his or her child cry. Some forms of sleep training (extinction or “cry it out (CIO)” strategies) may involve some crying. Parents often want to know how much crying to expect during this process. It is hard to answer this question with precision as it depends on the situation and the child. Some general rules of thumb:
- Older children may take longer to sleep train than younger children
- The second or third night may be the worst night (due to the “extinction burst”)
- Generally, the crying should be getting better by the end of the first week and is usually done by two weeks; if you do not notice improvement in this time frame it may be worth taking a break and revisiting this with your pediatrician.
- Most important: there is no evidence that crying during sleep training hurts children no matter what you read in the shadowy corners of the internet.
Fortunately, a 2018 study looked at real world sleep training and showed that crying peaked on the first day and resolved within a week. Unlike most other studies, there was no evidence of an extinction burst. Moreover, the parents were really happy with the resulting improvement in their child’s sleep.
I can tell you when I sleep trained my older boy at six months of age, he cried for TWO HOURS on the first night, then 20 minutes the next night, and we were done by night three. It sucked, but within a week he was sleeping through the night. What has your experience been?
Hi Dr. C, my 32 month old has just potty trained himself AND we just returned from a week-long vacation in Mexico where he slept in bed with me. We returned on Wesnesday and he slept fine in his own bed despite getting a stomach bug and waking covered in vomit on Wednesday night. Sleep was normal until Saturday night when he woke 20 min after he’d fallen asleep at normal bedtime with normal routine SCREAMING. I gavehim a while to sort himself out but ended up getting him when he was crying and screaming so hard he was losing his breath. He has refused to go to bed since for bedtime or naps. We read stories in bed as normal and he’ll lie down under his blankets with his head on the pillow thru that entire process. As soon as I even try to leave, he loses it. Cue uncontrollable screaming, going to the door kicking and pounding in the door and screaming out in terror. When I go get him, he’s so out of sorts that it takes him more than a half hour to get himself back together. What can I do?!?
I might wait a week for the dust to settle given everything that is going on.
Any tips for my 15 month old who immediately pops up to a standing position ALL the time when she wakes? I have tried patting the bed but she won’t do it, wants me to lay her down. Even in a failed CIO week she stood up crying for 3 hrs straight! Will she eventually lay down?? Want to try the CIO again but so hesitant for this fact.
Provided she can’t climb out of the crib, you do what you would do otherwise. If you are doing CIO, that means you need to ignore her. The night she cried for 3 hours, did she fall asleep on her own?