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The Bedtime Pass: A Great Sleep Training Technique for Older Kids

Posted on by Craig Canapari M.D.

The bedtime pass is a favorite sleep training technique of mine. It’s perfect if you are struggling with frequent curtains calls at bedtime, or even if you have a child who gets up occasionally at night. Each night your child gets a pass (sometimes also known as a bedtime ticket) that allows her to come out of her room and make one request—such as for an extra hug, a drink of water, or a story. If she doesn’t use the pass that night, you give her a small reward the next day.

I love this technique for kids in the preschool through elementary school age. It’s fun, non-threatening, and effective. It also seems to avoid the extinction burst (which is a worsening of behaviors temporarily) which can occur in other sleep training methods such as cry-it-out or extinction.

An ornate bedtime pass in the style of Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket
Note that I didn’t invent this but couldn’t resist seeming like Willy Wonka

Who is the Bedtime Pass best for?

Children who come out of their room a lot at bedtime or during the night. These events are called curtain calls — just like when the cast of a play will come out again after they leave the stage of people are still applauding. It would not be my first choice for a very anxious child (something like camping out sleep training or the Excuse-Me Drill may work better.)

What is the evidence for the Bedtime Pass

The first study on this was in 1999 on boys between ages 3-10. After the intervention, “crying and coming out from the bedroom reduced to zero” in all children in the study.

Several more studies followed, most notable a study looking at treating cosleeping in children with separation anxiety. This proved quite effective as well.

The studies here are fairly small– but the results are universally positive and the method is quite safe.

What to do before starting the Bedtime Pass

As always, make sure you have a set high quality bedtime routine and a consistent bedtime.

I also like rehearsals for interventions like this. Make the bedtime pass with your child, then immediately say, “Let’s play a game and pretend it’s bedtime. You get into bed and come out of the room and ask for something.” Show your child how the system works. Then do it again, pretend it’s the morning, then give them a reward RIGHT THEN while you are playing the game.

How to use the Bedtime Pass for Better Sleep

Just as with all reward systems, you want to set this system up for your child to succeed. If your child usually comes out of her room four times at night, she will fail if you only use one pass, so you can start with two or three, then gradually reduce the number of passes she can use each night.

Here’s how you use the Bedtime Pass.

  1. Make a nice card with your child that says “Bedtime Pass” and decorate it. Glitter is good; lamination, even better. If you think you need more, make two or three.
  2. Your child keeps the pass in her room and can redeem it once for a simple request from Mom or Dad (one more story, a glass of water, a back rub, etc.). The request should be brief and easy for you to do (it should not be lying down with your child for thirty minutes). After redeeming it, she turns in the pass.
  3. If she comes out again after using up her passes, you return her silently to her room with minimal interaction. Minimize conversation.
  4. If she does not use the pass, she can redeem it the next day for a small reward. In addition to the reward, make sure you give your child a lot of praise as well.
  5. If you are using more than one pass, remove one every week (or even sooner if things are going well). Exchange it by letting your child “buy” one of her rewards, or even a slightly larger reward.
  6. Make giving up the last pass a special occasion. For example, giving up the last pass can earn your child a larger cumulative reward.

You can adapt a similar system if your child gets up too early in the morning, by saying that your child can use her pass during the times you expect her to stay in her room. So if she wakes up at 5:30 a.m., she has to use a pass if she wants to get you before 6:00 a.m. Note also that your child is still allowed to leave her room to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water—by herself. We want to encourage independent behavior at night.

What are the best rewards or incentives to use with the bedtime pass?

Generally, small rewards that will excite your child work best when your child turns in the bedtime pass in the morning. . For younger children, little toys like you might get in a dollar store or from a vending machine or stickers are best. (obviously avoid anything that poses a choking hazard).

Ideally, your child gets the reward immediately when they turn in the pass.

For older kids, if they are motivated by trinkets they are still fine. They may also like playing a game, watching a show, or having some extra special family time.

The key is that rewards do not make your life worse as a parent. So don’t offer rewards that, say, are messy, or that giving in the morning will disrupt your routine. Generally, I don’t like food rewards for the daily incentives because they are generally unhealthy.

For giving up the bedtime pass, I’m a big fan of a small celebration. Think a trip to the playground, an ice cream cone, or a desired toy or game are great.

Further reading

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